Small Acts of Courage Shouldn't Be So Difficult

Before I say anything else, thank you so much for your very kind comments about my finished summer top!  It is one of my most favorite things I've ever made, and to say I'm thrilled with the result is an understatement.  When The Tim first saw it after it was finished and I tried it on, he said, "That looks great - it's like it was made for you!" and then about a minute later said, "Oh yeah ... it was.  Anyway."  Which made me laugh.  Thank you for taking the time time say you liked it.  😊

Today is Three on Thursday, so I have decided to participate.  And my topic is not knitting-related, but there you go.  You have likely noticed the title of this post - or if not, you have now.  I am going to talk about three small acts of courage - or lack thereof - from my recent experience, and why they should not be so hard for people.

1.  In a recent department meeting, I asked a question about something, and it started with the phrase, "Could you offer any ideas to why the committee decided ...," and our boss responded, and I quote: "Well, Bridget, maybe it's because none of them are as stupid as you are." I will admit to being shocked and struck dumb.  And my co-workers said ... nothing.  Now, moving beyond how it was inappropriate in the first place for him to say that, that fact that no one said ANYTHING at all, then or afterwards, is upsetting to say the least.  A friend was being generous and said that a) maybe they are afraid of him saying that to them, so they said nothing, and b) maybe they said nothing to me because they were embarrassed or felt bad.  All I can say is, if you are ever in a similar situation, please speak up somehow.  Anything at all said by anyone else would have made a difference to me.  (P.S. I have complained to HR, who have told me that since it was said and not in writing, there is not proof, so they cannot do anything.  So apparently my co-workers have blocked it out and when asked said nothing or that it never happened.)

2.  In a similar vein, at a department meeting yesterday, the boss said that he felt that none of us should attend monthly section meetings because "we don't need to spend an hour that way."  Then he said, "I am guessing none of you have an issue with that."  So I spoke up and said that I did, and it was valuable because it gave us a chance to interact with our colleagues in our section that we don't necessarily see or talk to otherwise.  By the end of the discussion, three out of four of us had said that we wanted to continue going to the meetings, because we found them useful and since attendance is voluntary anyway, anyone who doesn't want to go is not obliged to do so.  After which the boss said, never mind, we could attend if we chose to.  When the meeting was over, the other two people who talked thanked me, and said they would not have spoken up if I hadn't.  And I knew that he would probably be annoyed when I spoke, but I felt strongly we should be able to participate in the meetings, and knew that if I didn't speak up, no one else probably would.  There are four people (including me) in our department: one person NEVER wants to disagree with anyone or stand up for herself ever, one person is the favorite who can do no wrong whatever, one person is often the victim of his wrath, and depending how recent it has happened, either does speak up or not, and then there is me.  It's not easy for me to speak up, because at the most I have one other person who might offer support; also, I know that our boss is not overly fond of me.  But I strongly believe that if something matters to you, you should state your case, even if it might not be agreeable to the boss.

3.  Non-work-related (aren't you glad??), is my third example.  There is a neighbor on our street who is always calling out others for not sweeping their sidewalk, not putting their trash out "the right way," and/or so many other things that are in no way a problem for anyone else.  We do not, for example, have a homeowner's association that has specific rules.  Sure, the city wants trash in receptacles, not just strewn on the street or sidewalk, but this particular neighbor wants everyone to use a certain type of thing for it "so that it all matches."  (Because you know how trash collectors enjoy uniform looking trash.)  One of his big gripes is that people who don't live on our street park their cars on our street.  First of all, we live in the middle of the city.  In order to park at all and not get ticketed, you have to have a decal that you purchased from the city for your zone in order to park legally for more than a certain amount of time.  Needless to say, parking spaces can be difficult to find.  Sometimes the gods smile upon you, and you find a place on your street; sometimes you are three blocks away.  Anyway, this neighbor started a petition to take to the city to make it illegal to park on our street unless you lived there.  Everyone was talking about how ridiculous it was, and trying to avoid the guy altogether so they wouldn't "have" to sign it.  We had a block party a few weeks ago, and said neighbor brought the petition for everyone to sign.  At which point, The Tim - who seldom interacts with neighbors, much less speaks to them (but of course they all still think he is the "nice" one), told this neighbor why his petition was not a good idea.  Afterwards, no one was willing to sign the guy's petition, and though he left in a huff, everyone else kept complimenting The Tim for his "courage" in refusing to sign and saying why.

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People, none of this should be that hard.  These are not life and death situations, these are situations where one person who is a bully is pushing their weight around and no one wants to speak up.  I understand why it is hard, but it shouldn't be.  With so much else going on in the world, and people being more than willing to speak out about the big stuff, why are the small acts of courage (it that is even what you can call them) so difficult?

Anyway, that is my rant o' the day.  I am not asking for sympathy nor congratulations, I'm just trying to point out that all of us should do our best to support each other when it can help or make a difference.  We all have to live and work together every day, regardless of how we feel personally about each other.  Wouldn't it be better if we could be more brave in small, everyday ways?  

If you have read this far, thank you for coming to my TED talk. 😉