I Was That One

I was thinking about this the other day. See the image above? In my family, I'm the kitty in the middle. And it's always amused me how I'm sort of the "other" one in my family.

I have two older sisters, quite a few years older than I am. But they are a little over a year apart (aka Irish Twins). They are both very tiny people, both in stature and in weight. Not that I am a towering giant of flesh, but by the time I was about ten years old, I was taller and bigger than both of them. They both have brown eyes. I have blue eyes. Growing up, both of my sisters had thick, dark brown hair, with a natural wave. I had stick straight, very fine and thin blonde hair.

My middle sister was the "odd" one, skin-tone wise - where the rest of us have very pale skin with pink undertones, she has olive skin. When we would go on summer vacations to the beach, 4 out of 5 of us would be lobster pink, and one of us would have a lovely tan.

But otherwise, I was the one that was not like the others. And when I was a little kid, it kind of bothered me because people would always comment on it, and not in a necessarily sweet or kind matter. It was not unusual for people to see all of us together and say to me, "But you're so BIG!" or, "You just don't look like you belong to anyone, do you?" Now to my mother's credit, she would always tell me to just ignore people who were "ignorant enough to say ridiculous things." 

This kind of thing did make me very self-conscious a lot of the time though. Being reminded that I wasn't "tiny" or that I didn't look like I belonged to my own family was unsettling. Of course, as I got older I realized none of it mattered, especially to my family. 

Every once in a while, I'll overhear someone say something similar or equally as rude to a child or even an adult, and I just wonder if people ever hear themselves. Being generous about it, I truly don't think the people who said things to me about being the different one growing up meant to be mean or unfeeling. They clearly just didn't think about what they said - or maybe that's how someone had talked to them, and so they thought it was OK.

I'm not the nicest or the kindest or the most well-mannered person on the planet. Not by a long shot. But my experience has taught me to be more thoughtful when I make comments to someone. I try not to go with my first thought - which is a good thing since I admit that my first thought is not always the kindest thought ... I mean, I pride myself on never actually having said to someone, "When you looked in the mirror today, did you really think that you looked good?" 😂 (Of course, being a perfect example of someone who is ALWAYS perfectly attired makes me more critical ... )

I know that for a lot of people, getting older means that they are less filtered in what they say, do, wear, etc. And I'm not ever in favor of being so honest that you are cruel. I think we shouldn't always worry about what everyone else thinks of us, because that can make life miserable. But I hope as I get older, and my filters begin to drop, that I never turn into one of those people who tells a child they are too big, or don't fit into their family, or something that is both hurtful and none of their business anyway.

Don't tell people to be themselves and then criticize them for being different.