16 November 2006

Please explain ...

No knitting today, folks. But because it has been one of the absolute worst weeks ever at work, I thought that maybe some of you might be able to explain some things that continue to puzzle me.

1. Why the USDA is now going to refer to "hunger" as "food insecurity." Huh? Food insecurity implies that the corn being sold to consumers is worried that its husk will make it look fat. Whereas, hunger is an actual problem, and unfortunately a regular one for a lot of people.

2. Why anyone, anywhere, cares at all whether Tom and Katie get married, where they get married, who is invited, and if they are really who they say they are, or impostors from Pluto (I used Pluto since now they are claiming it's not a planet ... seemed appropriate).

3. Why people will stand on line for up to 3 days in order to buy a $600 Playstation 3. The news last night showed a) a student who was skipping an exam to be there ("Gee, I hope my professor doesn't see this, I'll be in trouble." Yeah, Cubby, and Mom and Dad aren't gonna be too pleased that the tuition money they are paying is helping you camp out at Best Buy); b) a woman who was supposed to have a Cesarean section, but postponed it so that she could stand in line to buy one for her soon to be born baby ("I think he'll just love it!" And really, what baby doesn't love a video game right out of the womb?), and a couple of self-described "gnarly dudes" (even I don't say that anymore!), who are going to sell theirs on E-bay for thousands (probably to start a retirement account, don't you think?).

At least the last two wonder boys mentioned will have enough money to avoid food insecurity.

4. Why men, upon seeing a woman walking around with no particular expression on her face, or even looking just annoyed, will say, "C'mon hon, give us a smile." Do they say that to other men? If so, do those other men open up a can of whoop ass and get it over with? Do they smile while they're doing it?

5. Why people think that if you have told them that something is marked as missing from the stacks in the library, they will get a different answer from one of your colleagues?

6. Why the "Nancy" comic strip is still around?

7. Why women say "panties" instead of just "underpants," or more generically, "underwear?" And what is the deal with adult women who tell you they'll be there as soon as they "go potty?" Ew. Call it the bathroom, rest room, toilet, whatever, but please spare me "potty." (And for the love of a small black dog named Pete, do not ever say to me, "If I don't go potty soon, I'll have an accident in my panties." Because I will kill you. Honestly.)

8. Why people think that if you have a name that is extremely Irish (or Irish-sounding), it is absolutely hi-larious to say, "Gee, you must be Italian!, " followed by a hearty guffaw. Then it's usually followed by, "I'll bet you can hold your liquor," or some other phrase that you would never say to anyone in any other ethnic group about a stereotype related to them.

9. Why people call their sons, "Jr." If you want the kid to be named for his father, can't you name him Joseph David and call him Joe, rather than naming him David Joseph Simpleton, Jr., and calling him Joe anyway? Where is the big difference? (And don't even get me started on people who have numbers after their names ...)

10. Why so many cars and trucks in the Philadelphia area are always crashing into houses? I have never, ever lived in a place where it happens on such a regular basis as it does around here. These are not necessarily people who slid on ice, or got a sudden flat tire - no, they are driving along (probably too fast), and Whoops! they ran into the old Johnson place ...

That's it for now. I need some wine ...

6 comments:

the wicked witch of the east said...

you forgot winnie the pooh, wikfred brimmly , and the pope...oh and that whole 3 day turkey cookoff while having a field day w/ baby clothes for a baby that never came in the closet w/ curtains instead of doors.

lmj said...

Dear Bridget in Philadelphia,

1) Remember when Robert Redford said in "The Candidate" that he was going to "feed the foodless?" Well, the USDA thought that was a laff riot and ran with it. Only "food challenged" sounded too much like a game show so they went with the second choice.

2) What really matters is, if Jenny McCarthy marries Jim Carrey will she become Jenny McCarrey.

3) I stood on line to pick up GTA Vice City. Shout out to John at the Warminster, PA, GameStop for handing out free pizza. So yeah, I get it. It's the same as camping out for Springsteen tix. At least, that's what all the kids were doing when *I* was young.

4) Because they are pathetic loners. 'Nuff said.

5) See #4.

6) And when will "Henry" act upon his inner serial killer.

7) May I join your firing squad?

8) Because the Irish and the Poles are too stupid to notice they're being insulted. Grr.

9) I married a Jr. but his parents knew better. Thankfully.

10) Because they can. Just...because they can.

Have a glass for me. :-)

teabird17 said...

1. Add "food insecurity" to "katsup is a vegetable," and you might have a clue about the cluelessness of politicians.
2.I don't care who gets/got married unless I'm one of them.
3.I am... clueless. I wouldn't stand in line for anything unless it was going to ease my food insecurity.
4. sigh
5. grrrrrr
6.??
7. You forgot "undies."
8. Because they're stupid.
9. I was once married to a Jr. He became as annoying as his name.
10.They do it on Long Island, too. They also land their planes on busy roads and peoples' rooftops. See #8.

So we're both cranky today, eh?

Carol said...

If I couldn't stock my cupboards with food, I'd be insecure too. But remember GWB can't substitute big words, so it's just the puppet masters speaking. They just can't say the word hungry. We have folks here who crash into malls. Hard to miss there's one on every other corner.

Carol said...

You made me laugh. Okay, I'll admit I sometimes say "potty" but it's because I have kids who still are young enough to think of it as a potty.

How about "slacks"? And "nightie"? And "boobies"? (My mom, God bless her, is 76 and still refers to her "boobies.")

How about having a "theme" for your wedding or nursery? (And here I thought the theme of a wedding was . . . getting married. Our nursery theme was . . . baby stuff.)

How about the new menace: people talking on their cell phones in the grocery store? All of a sudden, every time I turn a corner with my cart, I almost get run down by some asshat blathering on and on into a headset (which makes them look like a regular crazy person talking to themselves) or a cell phone.

I vote for "Lee" as the most-likely-to-be-on-American-Justice middle name.

And why is Family Circus still around? ("I Dunno.")

Oh my God, I actually did number 8 when I first met you! Ack, I'm sorry. Slinking off now.

mary said...

Ugh, just reading these makes me need a glass of wine! Especially #4, I just hate that...why do men do that.