01 October 2016

Hello October

Oh October, I'm even happier to see you than usual.  You are one of my most favorite months, but for you to show up on a Saturday after a Friday at work that lasted from 7:30 a.m. until 9:30 p.m., is particularly considerate of you.

I've been thinking about you a lot, since you mean so many different things to me.  On this, your first day, 47 years ago, I became an aunt for the first time.  So exciting and mystifying at the same time.  My aunts and uncles were all older people by the time I was born, with families of their own; so although they were nice, kind, and loving to me, they were not overly invested.  But I had a nephew and I was 13 years old!  I knew then that no matter what, I wanted to be an aunt who tried as much as possible to pay attention and be involved.  Now that nephew has a wife and four kids of his own, and The Tim and I are close to those kids, even though they live in Arizona and we live in Pennsylvania.  It all worked out well. ;-)

You are the month of cooler weather, pretty leaves, hot drinks, and cozy clothes.  You are the month I got married.  You finish off in a spectacular fashion, by giving us Halloween.

But this year, I've decided you are going to be the month that I start making an effort to be more of myself.  Though I'm doing better than I used to, I still need to realize that it's up to me to live my life the way I want to, regardless of what else is or is not happening.  I want to stop chastising myself if I don't get things done on a weekend.  If I decide to take a nap because I don't feel all that great today, it doesn't mean that I have to "make up" for it.  I want to try and get back into my habit of tackling some things a little bit at a time, so I am not instead overwhelmed by the task all at once.

I want to try to take more walks.  Taking walks has always been something I loved to do, but suddenly I am on my own, since my constant walking companion is gone.  It's been hard to go out on my own.  And since we walked everywhere in and out of the neighborhood together, there are very few new paths, so the ones imbued with memories are the ones I have to take.  It will be OK, and I know I'll enjoy being on my own again at some point, but it's been really difficult.  I'm going to use October to move ahead.  :-)

I want to start enjoying things that have started to feel like chores and obligations because of my overall frame of mind. I love cooking and baking, especially on weekends, when I am not just trying to get something fixed at the end of a frustrating day at work.  And since The Tim and I don't always get to have dinner together, I want to enjoy it when we do.

I know there are those who are somewhat disappointed to see you, because the start of October means they must finally admit that summer has ended.  That is one of your best attributes, as far as I'm concerned.  Instead of October as the End, I see you as a Beginning.  Of things mentioned above, as the leader to the holiday season, as the time when wanting to stay at home and do my own thing is more acceptable - because, as you know, in the summer, you're supposed to want to be outside with friends all of the time, and it's suspicious if you aren't interested.  But during October, "hibernating" becomes more acceptable.  I thank you for that.

And so today as I am writing this, I'm still in my pjs, though I have been up for hours. I've had a lovely breakfast, two cups of tea, and only some vague notions of what I want to do for the rest of the day.  I don't feel pressured to have a plan, and I'm not worried about admitting that.

Thank you, October, for allowing my perspective to clear and my soul to renew.

(Jordan Pond, Acadia National Park, shortly after sunrise, September 14, 2016)   

12 comments:

Araignee said...

I agree with your sentiments exactly. I feel like the world has opened back up.

Mereknits said...

I think you have lovely thought about October and wonderful goals to bring gently into your life. I am in love with October and I would be over the moon happy if I lived further north, it is such a gorgeous month, the slant of the sun, the crisp air, beautiful leaves, pumpkins, I love it all. Now for Florida it will be just a tad cooler, and the sun will set a bit differently. There will be pumpkins, but you had better not cut into them because they rot over night. Halloween can be 90 degrees!
Hugs,
Meredith

Bonny said...

The perfect ode to October - my favorite also!

Dee said...

That sounds like the PERFECT plan for October and I think I will join you in the "be myself" and "be KIND to myself" effort.

October has ALWAYS been my favorite month of the year. I am determined to enjoy it in spite of the stress in our lives right now.

Happy knitting, tea drinking and relaxing!

Vera said...

Yay for you! Yay for October and Fall! Yay for naps and hibernating! I'm with you all the way Bridget. Enjoy the season.

Vera said...

P.S. That is way too long a work day...just sayin'.

Lorraine said...

Bridget- I love October too!

kathy b said...

Bridget

SO good that you are giving your self permission to hibernate and relax. I get into the same sort of Panic when I have a day without much going on. Fireman is such a DO ER that I have to remind myself that I am not Less than because I blog, I knit, I cook. Good thought provoking post!

Kym said...

October is a wonderful month; one of my favorites, too. Although I'm one of those people who are always sad to see the summer end . . . I'm also one of those people who see the FALL as the beginning! It sounds like you are on a wonderful journey of SELF. Good for you! I can't wait to hear all about it as your "new life" unfolds. (And that photo? Oh, just gorgeous!) XO

Nance said...

Thank you for this. It has come at a Good Time for me; I am on a similar Path right now and feel the same.

Wanderingcatstudio said...

I think October is my favourite month too! Definitely in the top three!

karen said...

lovely! I am with you on your intentions. I've been writing down weekly goals and daily goals and I'm amazed at what gets done when I set my mind to it. and what I decide to not do too....