If ... Then

OH EM GEE.  Friday, you have no idea how welcome you are!  'Nuff said.

So I've been thinking about various random things this week - more so than usual - because I needed to be able to get out of my brain even more than usual.  This has been one of those weeks when, both in thought and deed, I've wanted to go up to people and say, "You know, IF _______, THEN _____, so deal with it."

Since it is neither socially acceptable to do this to others (particularly strangers) - and could even be dangerous - I'm going to say it to all of you.  Should you find yourself feeling addressed or even attacked in any of these circumstances, please do not take it personally.  But you might want to give things a bit more thought ...

IF you are a person who usually complains at a fever pitch about holiday decorations, music, etc. being in the stores too early. but you have for whatever reason decided that this year, you are embracing it all right away because "it's been a tough year,"
THEN maybe shut up about it related to any place or any person going forward because you no longer have the "moral imperative."  Stores do things for business reasons, they always have - get over it.  People do what they want to do, when they want to do it because it is up to them.  Just because *this* year has been tough for you (which, truly I'm sorry that's the case), it doesn't mean that if next year is great, you can go back to your previous proclamations.

IF you bake a delumptious birthday cake, and have some for dessert every night,
THEN don't be surprised that it is gone after a few days; but, THEN remember that Thanksgiving is next week, which = PIE!!!

IF you don't pay attention to weather forecasts,
THEN don't be surprised and/or complain all day when it is cold, or raining, or whatever and you are inappropriately dressed.

IF you realize/decide that you have lots o' knitting supplies that you don't need/don't use/don't want/don't whatever,
THEN put them into a box and donate it to a women's shelter, an old age home, or even a local school.  Lots of times these places have knitting/crocheting groups or lessons, and rely on donations for supplies.  For anyone in these situations, having access to the supplies, nice yarns, patterns, etc. is a wonderful treat since they are generally not in a position to treat themselves to those things.

IF you are constantly talking on your phone and not paying attention to what is happening around you,
THEN do not give others dirty looks when they try to pass you, or they bump into you because there is no place to move on the sidewalk and you were not paying enough attention to move to the side.  Also, who are you always talking to?  And about what?  I'm lucky if I can come up with ten minutes' of conversation twice a month with one of my sisters!  Of course, maybe that's because I am working on the assumption that, much like me, they do not care to have a moment-by-moment rundown of my life ("Right now, I'm walking past a store.  Now I'm crossing the street.")

IF you start knitting/making gifts for people early in the year, or just earlier than usual, and actually finish them all well before the deadline(s),
THEN do not decide that you need to make several more, especially if others would not appreciate said handmade gifts as much.  You have just been given the chance to either a) make something for yourself, b) make something for the holiday on your own time, or c) just enjoy being finished with it all.  Geez.

IF you are with your child in a public place, and said child is running around screaming and hitting people for no real reason, and you are either not paying attention (perhaps you are on your phone), or don't seem to care,
THEN don't get annoyed at people for telling your darling spawn to stop doing it.

IF you lay off approximately 25 people suddenly (two departments' worth of people) in early November, and then don't address it with the rest of the staff until the end of November,
DON'T act surprised/hurt/attacked when the room is tense and the questions are pointed.  Jesus Christ on a snowmobile, grow a pair!

IF someone pays you a compliment,
THEN say "thank you" at a minimum and leave it at that.  When you say something in response like, "Oh this is old," "Oh I don't really like it," or any such apologetic/negative remark, you are negating the kindness of the person who took the time to compliment you.  Someone is being nice.  Smile, accept it graciously, and move on.  Learning to do it this way may be difficult, but soon you will realize that your smile is a genuine one and that you truly are appreciating the compliment. 

IF you have read this far,
THEN have a good weekend!

:-)