17 December 2020

Alone Can Be Good

Well, we did get some snow yesterday - a really nice amount - but at the end of the day, the dreaded and annoying "wintry mix" moved in for the hours of overnight, so though we have snow on the ground, it's icy, packed snow.  Which is fine for a one-horse open sleigh perhaps, but not much else.  Oh well, it's pretty to look at, and at least other than taking the dog for a walk, I don't have anywhere else to be, at least not today.

I thought I'd write a post for today's Three on Thursday, and my topic is Three Things That Are Good About Just Being Two People At Christmas in This Unprecedented Year.  (And after this year, if I never hear the words "unprecedented year" again, I shall not mind one single tiny bit.)

Anyway, moving along.  I know that tons of people are upset because - if they are being responsible humans and care about others - they have to things differently this year.  No getting together with friends and family, or traveling to see them, no gatherings to exchange and open gifts, etc.  They are on their own, with only their families in the same house with them.  Which for a large part of the population, is just not what Christmas is about.

I am here to tell you (as I have before) that Christmastime is exactly what you make it.  Do I ever wish that we could go back to the years that we traveled home for holidays every year, got to see and catch up with everyone in person, and enjoyed all of the anticipation that went along with it?  Sure.  I enjoy seeing my family and spending time with them.  The Tim does not miss seeing his family, now that his parents have both died.  The siblings are not that close, and so we don't spend much time interacting with them anyway.  

But years ago, we realized that due to job issues for one or both of us, it just wasn't going to happen.  And though it was kinda weird the first year, now we love our very own Christmases, and actually cling to them.  Last month, in the weekend after Thanksgiving, we had a Zoom with my niece Amanda and her husband Pat in Baltimore.  Their original plan was to go to my sister's in WV for turkey day, since everyone would be getting together there this year.  But due to Covid, everyone just stayed put where they were.  Well, Amanda and Pat at least loved it!  As she said, "You know I love them all, but it was nice to enjoy the day and have NO drama!"  😊

And so, let me tell you three things that can make Christmas a wonderful day when there are just the two of you and whatever family members live in your house (in our case, a dog and two cats):

1.  The whole entire day belongs to YOU.  If you want to have candy for breakfast, there's no one to be upset, or no one to say, "But so-and-so is eating candy for breakfast, so why can't I?" which can lead to dirty looks from parents or anyone else around.  Feel like taking a nap in the middle of opening gifts?  Do it, and you can finish when you get up, while the other person does their thing for a while.  Unless you follow a strict daily schedule where every person always has to do a certain thing at a certain time, it's all up to you.

2.  You can still get together with everyone, just virtually, and at a mutually agreed time.  If you are a person who usually sleeps late, there's no requirement to get up at 5 a.m. with the rest of the family and immediately interact while everyone opens gifts together.  Instead, you can say, "Why don't we Zoom/Facetime/whatever at ____ [an agreed time]?"  

3.  Christmas Dinner is EXACTLY what you would like to eat, at the time of day you want to eat it.  I know so many people who complain every year that the one thing they dread is eating Christmas Dinner at 2 p.m., when they are used to dinnertime being at 7 p.m., or having to eat Cousin Mary's cooking because this year it's at her house.  If your Christmas Dinner sucks when there's just two of you, there's only yourselves to blame.

I could think of other things, but you get the gist.  I chose things that I most often hear others complain about.  The important thing to remember is that if you want to get together with everyone, you still can - just differently this year.  If you are a lucky person like I am, whose family enjoys interacting and who have not lost anyone this year, you're still going to be able to "see" them and interact - just not all day, every day.  I promise you will survive, and you might even enjoy it.  How you decide to approach it makes all the difference.

And remember, at a minimum, you may have the same experience as Amanda and Pat - NO DRAMA!!! 😛

12 comments:

Araignee said...

I used to love big family Christmases when my mom was the host. My parents really loved the holiday and made a real treat of it. When it fell to me after my mom passed on I didn't like it. I don't mind Christmas Eve with the Grands at their house for a few hours but I really, really hate going out on Christmas Day. The day feels too heavy to share anymore. Chinese food and a movie is more my speed these days.

KSD said...

Being an only child, and having been married to someone who was --- let's be diplomatic --- slightly estranged from his family, Christmas has long been fairly small. Usually only one trip out of town (to my parents'), cookies all day long, and wrapping paper all over the floors.

Meditations in Motion said...

We had the dreaded wintry mix after snow here in southern PA too.

Bill and I are still trying to figure out how to fill in the blank spaces where gatherings with friends and family used to be at Christmas.

It is kind of nice with just the 2 of us, but we get to do and eat what we want almost every day. I miss the kids and grandkids. :)

Martha said...

I love this post and it's so true! It's different this year but that doesn't mean it has to be bad. It's mostly been just my immediate family for years now anyway. My kids will still be here but we will be outside, distanced and eating leftover Chinese food lol. We'll enjoy every minute of it!

Wanderingcatstudio said...

Dave and I opted out of sitting down to dinner with his whole family a few years ago, and the big plus is definitely NO DRAMA. He even said that to his Mom this year, which is huge for him. The other plus for me is not having to pretend to enjoy an ice cold turkey dinner. I don't know if they were unable, or just didn't try to serve it hot, but in the 15 or so years I've had dinner with them, I've never had a hot dinner.
Now we go on Christmas Eve and just see his Mom and Grandma, I still have to deal with a few backhanded compliments, but it's much better than dealing with the whole family. This year we are doing a 10 minute "distanced visit" with them, so it's even better!

My family is no drama, which is nice, but my brother talks and talk and talks and talks... and it gets a little wearing after a while. We aren't seeing them either - I will miss the girls, and my Dad's stuffing, but I agree, Christmas is what you make it!

Nance said...

I love all the Real Talk in our blog community. It's so refreshing.

I inherited the Family Christmas Eve Open House and did it for years and years, even when the boys were teeny tiny and I was teaching full time. I was only able to pass it along to a grownup niece after serious illness made it impossible for me to continue several years ago. No one ever lifted a finger to help me.

But I laid down the law when the boys were toddlers that Christmas was staying home at our house and people were welcome to come to us at any time during the day. I was tired of the kids thinking that holidays meant getting in their car seats.

Your Grown-Up holidays sound relaxing, happy, loving, and warm. And that's really what the holidays--any and all of them--should be.

karen said...

I believe you wrote this post for me :) I am framing this Christmas as a simplified Christmas and I've been listing all the things I'm going to do that I ordinarily do not do when the house is full. It's been fun brainstorming :)

Kym said...

Hallelujah! Sing it, sister! There are SO MANY ways to enjoy Christmas. Christmas is EXACTLY what you make it. I remember the first Christmas Tom and I had without our families. I was distraught (Tom was NOT) -- I just knew it would be terrible. But . . . oh my goodness! We had the BEST time, just the two of us, doing whatever we felt like. And now, so many years later (like . . . 40), I've had Christmases in so many different ways and in so many different "configurations" -- and all of them have ended up being just wonderful. :-)

steph said...

Over the years, we have included a few people who have no relatives to visit to come to our house for holidays. It began as Easter and Thanksgiving and Christmas...and then, our add-ons started asking about Memorial Day and Fourth of July and Labor Day and presidents day and valentines day....and then birthdays...and (I'm serious....Millard Fillmore's birthday got added in one year) I get it. They are very social, and we enjoy each others' company, but....

It's always at our house, and while everyone brings something, the main course, the dessert, hors d'oeuvres, setting the table, cleaning up are always all ours and ours alone. We've been doing this for nearly 20 years. Our in town children and grandchildren would come for Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas...but that's it. You would think we could corral this out of hand tradition, but we couldn't...until COVID.

We had a lovely Easter. Thankful Thanksgiving. And I'm really looking forward to a cozy Christmas. We may have begun a new covid tradition that extends well beyond the virus. And I'm sure eventually, I'll get over this!!

Ellen D. said...

I am calling it my relaxed Christmas, altho, some of my children may visit. We will keep it low key with easy meals and if they get their presents late it doesn't matter! Love the family Christmas photo!
Thanks for the smile!

Caffeine Girl said...

OMG! I love this post! I totally agree. Being divorced has that effect, too. Sometimes my kids were with their dad, so I learned to make the holidays my own. Keith and I also enjoy just having a quiet day together.

We are also looking at major financial downsizing when I retire at the end of the year. If I have to quit before the end if the year to avoid Covid, I will lose all my retirement benefits, so then we will really have to tighten our belts. But we'll make it work!

kathy b said...

I am okay until I remind myself it has been a YEAR since I've seen my son. Then i get sad. My daughter and I got a visit in during October with strict guidelines up held.

I can do Christmas via zoom and the like. But my husband, who had lost so many Christmases due to his having to work many of them at the Firehouse, didn't expect to be missing out now. He can get sad. Its okay. I don't have to be sad too.

I hope we get outside. Maybe we will have a Christmas bonfire