When The Right Thing To Do Is Awful

Please note - Mosf of this was already posted early this morning on both Instagram and Facebook, so unless you have the desire to feel bad again, feel free to wait for the next post. I've added a few things, but it's mostly the same.

*****

OK I just want to get through this. Warning - this is a long sad post, but I just wanted people to hopefully understand both our decision and our heartbreak. Sometimes the best thing is also the most awful.

First meeting, and adoption day a few days later.

This weekend we had to return our beloved Angus to the foster parents who had him when we adopted him from the rescue he was in. On Saturday, he attacked Alfie, and though Alfie is fine, it was the second time that it happened (the first was when he first came home; it was less serious and we realized he was new to everything), and this time, @philly.tim had a much harder time getting him to stop and let go.

We were told from the rescue that he was fine with cats, but even though our cats are very chill and are not running around all day, he never was completely able to even just co-exist with them. We tried our very best for 8 weeks and two days, but after Saturday, decided that it wasn't fair to Angus, the kitties, or to us to continue.

The small comfort we have is that he went back to his previous foster parents, who adore him. But a huge part of my heart and soul has been ripped out of me.

These pictures cover our first meeting to his last morning here (yesterday morning). The last photo is his "luggage" we were sending with him. He arrived with his collar, leash, and a peanut butter treat bar; he left with food, treats, clothes, toys, and a whole bag of peanut butter treat bars. Not to mention our hearts and souls.

We will ALWAYS love you, Angus Podgorny Clancy, and you'll always be our sweet boy. I'm sorry all of the wonderful and joyful things about you in our lives was undone by your only real fault. I hope you find a family who will love you beyond reason like us, in a wonderful, cat-free home. God bless both you and your foster parents, who immediately were ready to take you home again, who absolutely love you, and will not let anyone but good people adopt you again.

I truly believe we did the right thing, but oh how it hurts.

My last photo of him - yesterday morning after a walk. 

His luggage. Not shown: our hearts, which cannot be placed into bags, but that we hope he knows are always his. I am counting on Duggie and Hamlet to watch over him for us.

I am at a loss, since having Angus really gave strucure and extra joy to my days. As you all know, dogs are different companions than cats are. And Angus was my shadow, my walking companion, and my partner in crime.

One of the best things about our neighborhood has always been the amount of dogs in it. Being out and seeing them with their people, sometimes getting to pet them, and generally just watching how happy they were to be going along, makes you smile. But I have to say today, and for a while going forward, that's also going to be one of the most tortuous things about our neighborhood.

And yes, I know that I'll be OK, that I'll get used to it even though I won't get over it. I know that, because of an entire lifetime of experiencing heartbreaking loss. I know he is being loved and adored with his foster parents, and that they will not allow him to go to any family but a good one.

 I got dressed and took a walk this morning and it was agony, even though it's a lovely day. But right now, and for a while, it just sucks too much to bear.

Anyway, now you know. I'm turning off comments for this post, because I know how all of you will commiserate with me and offer your love and prayers, and that is appreciated more than you know. But right now, I am 100 percent certain that I couldn't handle reading them, much less responding. I'm hoping you will understand.

*****

I will be posting tomorrow, because as is often the case, with the worst news also comes reasons to smile. So I'll talk to all of you again then. 

Five Favorites for This Friday - And Happy May!

Happy Mayday, Happy May 1, Happy Whatever You Want To Call It Day! It's a cool and sunny day here in Philadelphia, and it just seems like a good indication that May is here and will hopefully treat us well.

The past week had some good things in it. But let me start with some background for the first couple of things. Two weeks ago, I saw an Instagram post by Stephanie of Edible Thoughts Makes, where she showed a pair of socks she had completed. I really liked them and at the time, I was in a pretty big knitting slump. But I kept thinking about them, so I bought the pattern and thought I'd see how I did when I started. Well, it was exactly what I needed to start knitting again! 

I finished the cuff - with help from a close friend, as you can see - and then realized that I didn't have the needles to do the rest of the sock. So I ordered them, which meant I had to wait until they showed up.

During that time, there was an unfortunate event that led to me having stitches in my right hand. Which was bad enough, but the needles showed up and I was dismayed because I figured I couldn't even use them for a while yet.

But, Tim told me I should at least try, and that leads to the first thing on my list:

1. I *am* in fact able to knit! Not for a long time at one stretch, which is actually probably a good thing, but I can knit, and I got a good start on the socks:

The pattern is Little Boxes Socks, by Summer Lee. Since the above photo was taken, I have done the heel and am now on the foot of the first sock. YAY!

2. I read this book and it was just the right thing for me at the time. Yes, it does have romance, which is not usually my favorite, but romance done well is a different story.

I think that is the case with this book. Plus it takes place in Maine, and having been there one time, I love it forevermore.

3.  A good night's sleep. I'm not a great sleeper most of the time. And Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights, I only got about 2 hours of sleep each night. Wednesday night I not only had a good rest, but except for waking up once, slept through the night! It felt so good!

4. A few years ago, in a frenzy of cleaning weeds, etc. out of the garden, I realized I had pulled out the clematis plant that I thought was just one of the viny weeds. It was truly heartbreaking. The next spring, it showed up, and there was one bloom - I was ecstatic! And each year since, it's shown up with even more blooms on it. This is how it looked around lunchtime today. 

5. Not being sick. Earlier this week, I started coughing and feeling like I was getting something respiratory. I took some preventative measures, and as of today, I think I may have avoided being sick. That makes me so happy! 

And that's it for now. I hope you can think of at least one thing this week that has been your favorite, or made you smile. I like to sit down and remember that everything wasn't bad, or boring, or stupid in my world. Even if I can't control the rest of the world around me, I have some control over how I can find the good. 

Have a good first weekend of May! If you are lucky enough to be traveling to Maryland Sheep & Wool, I hope it's full of good things, nice animals, and friendly people.

Stuff Happened, But I'm Back!

Hello there! I hope all of you are well, and that there are things that are making you happy. I've been pretty MIA, and for many reasons. A lot of them are not my story to tell, but what is my story to tell is that our wi-fi was having serious issues. We called more than once about it, and finally a guy came to the house and said, "Oh your router is completely shot. I guess that has been the issue." YA THINK? Anyway, he got everything going again and here I am. I tried to post a few times, but things would just stop working in the middle of a post, and then the info would be gone. So frankly, I just gave up.

Onward, right? 

I've been spending a lot of time with these goobers, which is always a good thing because they are the important things in my life.

Things are still in the early stages, as far as everyone getting along. They are all doing better, but it's still not really good. We have hired a behavioral trainer who will come at the beginning of May to help us out, and I'm really hoping that will make a big difference 

I'd like to say that in the interim time that I've not been here, I have been knitting up a storm. But to be honest, my knitting mojo has been pretty non-existent for a long time, which was frustrating. Part of it was that I had some yarn that in the end, I just did't like, but kept trying to use for something. Then I just put it down and walked away. I finally realized that I should let it just sit for a while, and if in another month or so I still just don't want to deal with it, I'll destash it. 

But the good news is that I'm starting to get back to it. I started a new sock on this past Saturday, with the assistance of my knitting buddy.

When I started, I thought if it didn't feel like it was working, I'd just put it back down until it was time to try again. The good news is that it was enjoyable again and I want to keep going, so I think/hope that means I'm back on track! 😊

I have been reading, so it's not like I've just been in a funk. And I have been planning and thinking and organizing in other ways for other projects and activities. 

And like nearly everyone else in the world, trying to keep going everyday in spite of the horrors and stupidity that make up our lives these days. 

So that's it for today, I hope you are knitting, reading, doing whatever things make you feel good and make your life worthwhile. I'll be back sooner rather than later - at least that's the plan! In the meantime, thanks to those of you still here and reading. 

Happy Spring! And, An Introduction.

I was originally planning to write this post this morning, while it was still winter, but now Spring Has Sprung!

I have already noticed some buds on some trees and flowers, so hopefully we won't get a freeze that kills them off, because they look so happy! And I have all kinds of plans for what I would like to try and do with plants and flowers this year. So maybe at least one of those ideas will actually happen. 😊

*****

Now I must introduce you to the newest member of our family. A couple of months ago, The Tim said we should get another dog. No argument from me! He said that he wished we could get another Golden Retriever or a mix, because those are his favorites. Well, as you might be able to imagine, those are few and far between in rescues, especially around here.

So after I spent a LOT of time looking for that kind of dog, he casually mentioned one day that we should instead look for a smaller dog, Towards the end of both Dug's and Hamlet's lives, they had trouble with the steps, and The Tim would have to sometimes carry them up and down. He said that he thinks he couldn't really handle that anymore. OK, so I was on the hunt for a smaller dog. Trying to find a dog who was good with cats proved to be extremely difficult. But one day I was perusing one of the rescues I had been checking (having expanded my area for looking out of just the city), and I saw this photo:

Now really, when you see a face like that, you have to fill out an application, right?  Well, the description said he was approximately 7 years old, was part Schnauzer, and weighed 18 pounds. It also said he was good with cats. So I applied to adopt him, and we had a meet and greet with his foster, and on March 6, we brought him home!

His name at the rescue was Paper Boy, but we changed it to Angus Podgorny, which was the name of a character from an old Monty Python sketch that we always wanted to use for a pet.

Angus looks a bit different now - when he got to the rescue and was vetted, it was discovered that he needed several teeth pulled, and that his fur was so matted that he had to be surgically shaved (as opposed to shaved to look like a Schnauzer, I guess). So now he looks like this:

 

Get a load of the ears! I freaking love dogs with weird ears, and his have two entirely different lives!

He is very sweet, but also quite crazy and completely ridiculous. We do not know what cats he was tested with, but he's sure not calm around our cats, which we're hoping with time and training will no longer be an issue (the cats, I'm sure have already alerted PETA to their plight). But he's catching on, and already understands a few commands. It's only been two weeks today, so he gets some grace, you know? 

And he kinda sorta does look like a Schnauzer until you see him next to the purebred Schnauzer across the street! Then it's clear that there's something else going on, but he remains a man of mystery regarding that part of his heritage. 

Considering everything is still new to him, he's doing better each day. I have plans to hire someone to help me train him, just so he becomes a better member of society - people and animal-wise. The rescue said they had no idea how long he had been a stray, but they guessed quite a while from his condition when he was brought in to them. 

Next week we have a visit with a vet, because I wanted to establish a relationship before he would get sick or need care urgently. When I called, the woman on the phone asked me his name, and I said, "Well, we call him Angus, but his complete name is Angus Podgorny," and she responded, "Oh I LOVE a good Monty Python reference!" so I think we'll do OK there. 

So hello from Angus, who I'm sure you'll see here somewhat regularly. 

*****

Our plans for this weekend are to start cleaning up the garden, and also do some shopping. The weather is supposed to be agreeable for the most part, so hopefully we can start to make some progress on moving biggish pieces of trees that ended up there after storms out of the way. Also, we had a crazy couple of extremely windy days, so a lot of paper stuff flew into the garden one way or another and we'll clean that up too. 

And that's the news from here. I hope that Springtime will bring some light and happiness to all of us, and that whatever you decide to do (or not do), that you have a good weekend!

Goodbye, Sixties

It's true - this is the last day I will spend in my 60s; tomorrow marks the Big 7-0 for me.

Frankly, it seems weird that I'm having my 70th birthday. Not because I am denying my age - would I be writing this post if that were the case? It's just because it always seemed like a number that was so far in the future. 

But, I have full expectations that I will wake up tomorrow to a new decade of my life, and as there is nothing I can do about it, I'm just gonna see what it brings.

Here are just some of the things I've been thinking about, related to turning 70 years old, in no particular order.

1. I have outlived both of my parents. My father died at the age of 53, and my mother died at the age of 69 years and 7 months. 

2. I have survived several bouts of, and types of, cancer. 

3. I have been married to the same person for 48 years as of this coming October. 

4. I never graduated from high school, but I have a master's degree.

5. I have only gotten more liberal as I've gotten older, unlike what you are "supposed" to do. If the general feeling is that as you age, you become more conservative, I can't guess what viewpoints I must have at birth! 

6. I am fortunate to have good health. Not that I'm in great shape, but I can still do all of the things that I have to do and want to do, for the most part. Maybe slower, maybe with more creakiness, maybe with a bit of difficulty, but I am fortunate that I can still take care of myself and enjoy my life.

7. Though I am not by any means a tech-savvy person, I am able to use technology for things that I must use it for, and enjoy it for the things I actually want to use it for. 

8. I am, for the most part, a happy person. I suffer from a base level of depression and anxiety, but most of the time, they do not affect or define every minute of my life. 

9. I have an extended family that are a wonderful group of people, who I love to spend time with when I have the chance.

10. My love of animals has only increased as I've gotten older. Of course, my own sweethearts mean more than I can say, but I love helping animals through my volunteer work, and in any other way that I am able to do so. Even just feeding the birds in the garden fills me with joy.

I always say this, but turning 70 years old tomorrow is definitely better than the alternative. So I hope that this coming weekend, you will take a moment to be happy to be here, and to have your life, even if it's not perfect or exactly what you might like it to be. Let's face it, sometimes (especially lately) life and the world suck, but since "Hope is the thing with feathers," we can always look for it to take flight and allow us to have some joy.

Older me will see you next week.😄