Most of the time, when people give me unsolicited advice I ignore it and move on. But there are some things that when someone "advises" me for the billionth time, just make me want to scream.
Example the First: When we adopted Hamlet, he was wearing a choke collar. I asked Jeff (his former owner and "employer," so to speak) why this was the case. He pointed out that the collar had a plate on it identifying Hamlet as a dog from the Seeing Eye Foundation in Morristown, N. J. They put it on all of the dogs. But as Jeff pointed out, they also showed them how to use it. When you attach the leash to the collar, you NEVER attach it to the part that pulls and chokes the dog - you attach it to the other ring that is just like a regular collar. They use choke collars because they are less likely than leather or fabric to cause an allergic reaction on the dog's neck. So that is the background.
We left the collar on him because a) he is used to it, b) it provides a kind of identification even if his tags fall off, and c) because we know how to use it. Out of approximately every 10 walks I take with Hamlet, I receive advice about choke collars at least 8 times. Originally, I would stop and show people how the leash was attached so that he would not be choked, etc., but ever since I showed someone 3 times and they still lectured me, I just tune them out. If you can't listen to what I have to say in response to your advice, I can't be bothered to listen to you in the first place.
Example the Second: Whenever I mention that we have cats, someone advises me not to declaw them. They are not declawed. However, our late cat Jetsam was declawed when we got him. People would come to the house, meet him, and then lecture me for 10 minutes about the evils of declawing cats. Immediately after I mentioned that he was that way when he arrived.
Example the Third: I have a friend that I have known for years (since college) who is a nurse. She lives in another location altogether, so we don't see each other very often, but we do keep in touch via social media on occasion. But I seldom interact with her there anymore because she drives me crazy with her unsolicited advice about health, behavior, etc. A couple of years ago, I posted a picture of my little great-niece with Pip on her lap, giving him a kiss on the top of the head. She posted under it that I was endangering the child because even if the cat is friendly her face was too close, and she could be scratched in the eye. And then she posted on my niece's account the same thing, and also on my sister's account (the child's grandmother), since "not being a mother" I did not seem to be paying attention to her warning/advice. I finally took the post down because it was just not worth it.
Example the Fourth: My hair. OMG, sometimes I am tempted to wear a headcovering so that people - both known and unknown - will stop telling me that my hair is too short! Spoiler alert: It's on purpose. I would love to have long, luxurious hair, but I do not. So unless it's a state occasion, I am not interested in spending a lot of time to fix my hair. Also, particularly in the summer, I don't like having hair that I can feel on my neck, face, etc. - I'm already hot enough, thank you. So your advice that I wear it to a) not look manly, b) not be mistaken for a lesbian, or c) let it grow because husbands like long hair is not just useless, but also something that is really, truly, absolutely NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS UNLESS I ASK FOR YOUR OPINION.
I generally respond by saying, If someone thinks I look ______, it's their problem, not mine. Which is nearly always rewarded by a pitying glance which just says, Oh sweetie, you don't understand, do you?
I guess what I am trying to say overall is that maybe we should all refrain from advising others unless they ask for it. If someone says to me, "Do you think I should buy this pair of shoes," they are asking for my opinion/advice. If I say to someone "You shouldn't buy those shoes because _____," that is a whole 'nother story. And I deserve it if said person tells me to go away or whatever.
So that is my rant, as well as my reminder to myself, for this Friday. If no one is asking, keep it to yourself. As illustrated below.
But now, some unsolicted advice from me that will hopefully not offend: Have a good weekend!
10 comments:
Good post.
A couple of weeks ago we were at an outside brew pup. I was prepping my insulin injection and the very young woman next to me had the audacity to ask what my "numbers" were. Sweetie......I don't care if you ARE a nurse. You aren't MY nurse. My NUMBERS are none of you f**king business!!!!
Of course, I didn't want to start a bar brawl. I'm a little too old for that! So, I just quietly seethed into my beer.
I'm astounded that you have not just one or two, but four examples of interfering advice! I can't recall the last time I received unsolicited advice, but now I'm very grateful that is the case. (Maybe I just look mean?) Thank you for the weekend advice; I hope you also have a good weekend and an end to being on the receiving end of unwanted advice!
I so agree with everything you said. I can be one of those know-it-alls but I think of it as a fault and am deeply ashamed of myself if I find myself lecturing. I hate when people do that to me. It's one of the reasons I don't go on Ravelry very often anynmore. If you post a project you'll get several opinions from complete strangers on why everything you did was wrong. That's just rude.
Yes yes yes all of this. Especially about animals for me. Pilot the dog wears a 'gentle leader' because he is a short legged long solid mass of muscle and pigheadedness (basset and rotty mix) and I honestly couldn't control him without the gentle leader (it goes on the snout, not on the neck). People lecture me that I shouldn't be in public with a dog that is so vicious he needs to be muzzled (it isn't a muzzle) and how cruel it is that the dog can't eat or drink with the gentle leader on (he can do both, as witnessed by him eating a burrito off the ground and drinking out of mud pools).
Sheesh.
I agree with everyone. People can be so intrusive. I especially liked the insulin/numbers example - so rude. However, it made me laugh. Happy Weekend to all! Lynn in IL
This post... times 10!!
Truly... and to these people I would say... you have 2 ears and one moouth. Which should be evident that you should use the pair more than the solo!
Oh my goodness, Bridget! Who ARE these individuals who think they can comment upon your appearance, firstly, let alone everything else you mentioned?
OUTRAGEOUS.
It is only your obvious Good Breeding and Innate Gentility that prevents you from saying, “Excuse me? Please mind your own damned business.”
Bravo. You are a Superhero.
Okay... the choke collar, cat declaw, and child safety issues, I could let slide (the first time only... after that, gloves are off...) because their heart is in the right place, even if their brain and mouth are up their butt... but the comment about your hair. That's 100% bang out of order. All of three reasons (a,b,and c) are just downright ignorant and outdated in this day and age. Not to mention that it's absolutely incredibly rude to say anything even remotely like that.
My inlaws (mother and grandmother) are Queens of unsolicited advice. And it doesn't matter - whatever choice you made - it was always the wrong one. I set some boundaries pretty early on with what I was going to tolerate and what I would not (there may have been an F bomb dropped and instructions on what exactly they could do with their advice/opinion). I haven't had too many issues with them since - which is good for them, because once you've pushed me too far, I don't play nice any more - ever again.
Just say you're the permanent understudy to Peter Pan. Problem solved.
What is up with people? I have similar experiences with the forwardness of people, jeez. I try to always keep my mouth shut as much as possible when advice giving.
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