In My Next Life ...

1. Who are these people?

2. Where are they, and why do they look so content?

3. They are all white - so ... where is this, geographically?

4. Am I the only one who thinks the female patient almost looks like Carmen Miranda, with that plant above her head, looking almost like a hat??

5. Spoiler alert - the person who made this illustration has likely never visited a doctor's office or medical waiting room.

I had an appointment yesterday for my annual mammogram and a breast ultrasound. My appointment for the mammogram was for 9:30 a.m., and the ultrasound was at 10 a.m. I arrived as instructed by 9:15. I got home at 2:30 p.m.

My appointment was in a brand, spanking new, high-end, all-the-bells-and-whistles new building. Previously, I had gone to another building about a block away, and though it was likely about 40 years old, it wasn't an awful place to wait and/or have the appointments. So I was curious to see how the new place was so much better and more wonderful.

By the time I left, I decided that I should become a "patient consultant" to places building new and "better" facilities. Because this one had lots of issues.

Aesthetically, it is fine - new and "modern" looking, but not in an overly offensive way. No one would mistake it for anything other than a 2000s medical building, at least here in the U.S.

You enter into a glass-enclosed atrium. There are upholstered chairs placed in different areas of the lobby, along with the requisite large potted plants. And as you look around, there are kiosks situated along part of one wall, and tucked wayyyyy into a corner is a very small desk console with "Information Desk" on it in barely visible signage. There are three different elevator banks, again with barely visible signage, telling you what elevators go to what floors.

The kiosks are apparently where you initially "check-in." My instructions said to bypass those and head directly to the 4th floor. I was grateful for that, because I could tell that many people trying to use the kiosks (some quite elderly, and some for whom clearly English was not their first language) were having troubles, and there were lines behind them of 4-5 people each, which I'm sure didn't help.

I got to the 4th floor, and for the first time saw a decent sign telling me where to go. However, once there, it was unclear if someone worked there to check you in. I did find that person, behind a screen, and got checked in. 

After waiting a while, my name was called and I was directed to the Changing Room to change into the hospital gown for said procedures. The "lockers" provided to store your clothes, etc., were the size of a cubby at a pre-school. So you were supposed to put your winter coat AND your clothes in there. The person directing me said to bring my purse and any valuables with me, because the locking systems on said lockers didn't work. She vaguely pointed down the hall to the waiting room. And the hospital gown was in fact not a gown, but a cape - I spent an inordinate amount of time looking for something resembling a sleeve until I figured THAT out!

The waiting room as a) tiny, and b) had couches. Only. No individual chairs. Now I don't know about you, but I don't really enjoy sitting on couches with people I dont' know. Plus, couches encourage people to spread themselves and their belongings out, and there was a lot of woman-spreading happening. There was absolutely nothing else in the waiting room - not even a fake plant. And at one point, a couple of people had to stand, because the room was small and there was not any seating left. I was in there for an hour and a half, and let me tell you, I got really tired of just looking at my phone. There weren't even any "paintings" on the wall to stare at senselessly.

Then I got called for the mammogram. Holy crap, that room was HUGE! I am not kidding when I say it was approximately the size of our first floor in our house. And yes, there was lots of equipment, but there was also enough space to host a gathering. 

Then I was sent to another waiting room to wait for the ultrasound. Same set up as the first room. I waited in there for 2 hours. Finally got called to the ultrasound room, which seemed much more reasonable, size-wise. Then sent back to the waiting room to wait for the doctor and get the report from both tests. Another 2 hours. 

Once that was over, I was told to go back to the changing and leave by the "exit door, not the same door you came in when you first arrived." So I wandered down a poorly-marked hallway until I saw a small sign that said "Changing Room." It looked vaguely familiar and fortunately, it was the right place. Then I had to find my way to the exit, which was once again a) circuitous, and b) poorly designated, signage-wise.

When I FINALLY got home, I decided that in my next life, I should set myself up in business as a person who represents "the public" whenever someone is planning a new building. Because this new building may have been bigger, brighter, and contain more/better (?) technology, but it was a disaster as far as design usage was concerned for patients. I was honestly appalled, because the older building I was used to was only frustratingly the same as far as the small, cubby-sized lockers. It was the one thing I had expected to be an improvemenet in the new building.

Once again, I told myself that in a Bridget-centric world, that building could have been so much better. Unlike most of the time, I hope I get one of those surveys they send after an appointment - I have a lot to tell them!

On top of which - I have to go back for another test at the end of the month - GAH! I told The Tim that maybe I should pack a lunch ...