10 Words You Use Instead of Swearing
I will admit that I am not really a heavy-duty swearer, though I do swear. My parents used swear words as part of their normal conversations, so it was never shocking to me as a child to hear anyone use swear words (though they never used the f-word, as far as I know). There were a lot of questions that started with things like, "Where the h*ll did I put ____?" Or "D*mn it, did you say you wanted ____ for breakfast?"
Oddly enough, my sisters and I are not much for swearing. We do swear, but selectively, I guess. I will admit that I often *think* in swearing language, more than speak it. And I am really really really really tired of the f-word, though everyone I know uses it on a regular basis. Sigh.
Anyway, here's my list.
1. Crap, or some variation thereof. As in, "Oh crap, I forgot to call so-and-so back."
2. Why The Face? I heard this on the TV show, "Modern Family" when the one dad character said kids liked him, because he understood their "lingo." He gave examples like LOL, IMHO, and then said, "WTF - Why The Face?" We only say that now, since otherwise, we'd just say WTF, since neither of us are fond of the other choice.
3. Freakin'. As in, "What is freakin' wrong with you?"
4. Son of a mother. You can probably figure out what this replaces.
5. Darn, or when I want to amuse myself, dag nabbit.
6. Keys to the car. My father used to say, "Keee-rist" (instead of, Chr*st) a lot, and we found it amusing. I don't know where I came up with "Keys to the car," to be honest.
7. This one is still swearing, but if I know someone will only be amused by it, I'll say it instead of its more common variant - when we would be complaining about someone, something, etc., my mother would always tell us, "Well you know what they say in Russia - toughski sh*itski." (I think this one A LOT.)
8. H*ell-o, as in "Who in the hell-o thought this was a good idea?"
9. Eejit. Though I use this a lot, when not swearing, I also use it to replace "*sshole" in more polite circles.
10. Holy water. Instead of "holy sh*t" ... and inevitably someone says to me, "You must be Catholic."
I have to say, this topic has amused me, both making my list and reading others' posts.
OK, I'd better get off the freakin' computer and get some crap done. ;-)
8 comments:
Hilarious. My mother cursed a blue streak and as I child I thought it was awful. I have a long standing joke that for most of my life I thought my two sisters were named Pi**ant and Sh**head. After I had kids I totally got it and developed quite a mouth myself.
Bridget- I think the F word is overused. And thus, does not have the impact that it needs for special occasions.
My Grandparents used to say kee-rist! Thanks for the memory!
Linda in VA
Haha! Great List! I have to say I swear like a sailor these days. I had a real good streak of not swearing so much when the kid was small. Now my devil may care attitude has me in trouble. The worst is when you can hear your kid imitating you. Crap is still my all time favorite for substitutes. Shut the Front door and Holy Hot Pants.
Time to tell the truth on my part, I love to swear, there is just something so fun about it. I should really try to cut back.
Hugs,
Meredith
In library school, my friend Marcia and I decided we were both cursing too much, so we decided to fine ourselves a nickel for every swear word. We kept the nickels in a canister in the office of one of the faculty members. Before long, we had enough to take ourselves out to a pretty nice restaurant in Seattle. When Marcia got really frustrated, she'd say, "Oh, nickel, nickel, nickel!" I have to admit I've backslid rather severely. After a lengthy fight with C. diff, my favorite word is "crap!"
Since my bad word never made the list here it is... buttonhole. Yes there are buttonholes in my life.
My favorite is cheesy PETE --- Instead of J*sus Chr*st!
My personal trainer's favorite is Son of a BONGO!
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