28 October 2015

The Long (But Happy) Haul

On Facebook, there is a loooonnnnnngggg personal message thread with myself, my niece Amanda, and my friend Lisa, covering every possible type of topic, rant, and amusing comment possible.  I don't really remember how we got to the topic of weddings (probably commenting on some celebrity wedding or divorce), but I commented that it seems that these days, weddings are a huge, elaborate, expensive production.  People are obsessed with their weddings.  And then, they are unwilling to put the same level of commitment and work into the actual marriage.  So you have Broadway-show-type wedding days, followed by marriages that break up sometimes within the same year.  (My husband's family excels at this kind of thing.)

Why am I going on about this?  Well, because at approximately 5:45 p.m. this evening, it will be 37 years of wedded bliss/annoyance/indifference for me and The Tim.  That's a long time.  Some days longer than others, as those in any kind of relationship I'm sure will understand.

Our wedding was small.  We have spent more years than not barely making it to pay the bills.  We don't have children, and have spent so much time listening to how we should because you don't know true love until you are a parent.  We have been called self-obsessed because we are not parents.  We have been there for each other when our own parents died.  We have rejoiced and enjoyed the births and other milestone moments of our many nieces and nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews.  We have adored and continue to adore all the pets who have been in our families.  We have gone through a lot of cancer together (me as the patient, him as the caretaker).  We have discussed many topics both important and ridiculous well beyond their lifespans.  We have proven my mother's comment that it was a good thing we found each other, "because it saves two other people."  And we have always agreed that we would never divorce because each of us are too stubborn to admit it isn't working.

And there are at least a million other things I could add to the list.

But whatever it's been, we have done it together - physically, spiritually, or mentally.  And even if not consciously, it's been work.  More work than planning a wedding that will be remembered for all time.

Because our wedding was one day, thirty-seven years ago.  But our anniversary is today.

Life can work out pretty well overall if you just pay attention.


Lynn said...

You hit this right on the head!!!! Me and my husband are coming up on 30 years and I love your wedded bliss/annoyance/indifference comment. That is SOO true! And I agree that ppl dont try in their marriages anymore. Too quick to give up. Congratulations to you and The Tim!

Lorraine said...

Bridget- Congrats. That is amazing and inspiring.

Araignee said...

Happy anniversary!
As for having kids, I was a teacher and many of my friends opted not to have their own since they spent all day dealing with them. They are the happiest people I have ever met and not one of them regrets their decision while I am completely frazzled all the time trying to meet the demands of elderly parents, kids and now grandkids. Daughter is on the fence about raising a family and is taking a lot of heat from the inlaws but I am in full support of whatever she decides having seen it from both sides. Gee....I had an awful lot to say about that!

Dorothy M. said...

How right you are about these big weddings and short marriages. This Friday, my husband and I will celebrate 50 years of marriage. And before my Mom died, she and Dad celebrated their 65th anniversary! So it can be done.
Anyway, Happy Anniversary and many more to come!

sprite said...

Indeed. Happy anniversary to you both!

MIchelle B. said...

Congrats! Thirty-seven years is an accomplishment. Here's to 37 more!

Anonymous said...

Happy anniversary!

(Great post by the way!)

It's been 36 years for Steve and I too. We definitely put more work into the marriage than the wedding. My step-MIL put our wedding together in less than 3 weeks. It was lovely, but small ............the marriage has been the important thing.

I'm sure my family thought the same thing .....thank goodness they found each other so no one else had to suffer. LOL

elns said...

Bridget, I sent you my sincerest congratulations on your anniversary and a great marriage (and a great post to boot!). I loved this:
" Well, because at approximately 5:45 p.m. this evening, it will be 37 years of wedded bliss/annoyance/indifference for me and The Tim. That's a long time. Some days longer than others, as those in any kind of relationship I'm sure will understand."

And your Mother's comment is pure gold.

Anyhow, I'm probably just fist pumping over here, because there was a lot in this post that spoke to me. I could completely analyze if you like, but perhaps I'll just stick to the congratulations. ha!

Wishing you both a lot more happy togetherness. You've come through a lot and far together. All the best.

Kym said...

What a beautiful story! Happy anniversary to you and Tim -- and here's to many, many more to come.
There are so many, many ways to create a life together. You have certainly found the perfect one for you.

Claudia Bugh said...

Congratulations!!! What a lovely testament to your marriage and The Tim. I think one of the best things that can happen in this world is a happy marriage :)

KSD said...

Paying attention makes all the difference in the world, doesn't it?

Love to you both.