The other night, The Tim and were talking - as we usually don't because I am often ranting and he is ignoring me - because we had been watching a news story about a woman who had been killed in a car accident, and there was now a huge shrine at the spot where the accident had occurred. The reporter was spinning it like it was the Most. Meaningful. Thing. And The Tim said to me, "Are you writing in to the station about this?"
He of course was joking, but it's because he knows there are certain things that just set me off on a course that takes along time to come back around before the journey ends. As I'm sure you know if you read my blog, or even more so if you know me in person, I have many opinions, some extremely unpopular because they seem uncaring and others because of my intense dislike for others that most people seem to like. Such is life. No one should feel that they have to go along with what everyone else thinks because others will be upset. And yet so many do, or would rather be miserable than express an opinion.
Anyway, our initial discussion led to many other topics, and The Tim said to me, "You should share some of these golden nuggets on your blog, I'm sure others would find them ... fascinating?" Well, the joke's on him, 'cause that is just exactly what I am doing. You are under no obligation to keep reading, comment, or even care, but here we go.
There are two specific cases where I have left specific threats instructions for The Tim should my demise occur prior to his shuffle off this mortal coil:
1. In the hopefully-never-to-occur event that I die in any way unjustly or unfairly, such as murder, car accident, falling off a poorly constructed roof, etc., he is to not allow and/or is to destroy any tributes at my home or the scene of the event. You know, candles, balloons, teddy bears, t-shirts with my photo - we've all seen it. These offend me on every level. I know people are trying to be kind, to grieve, etc. but NO.
2. Apparently it is not uncommon for you or your ancestors to be baptized into the Mormon Church even when dead. This is also highly offensive to me. No one who has passed should have anyone living decide their religion for any reason. If one wants to be Mormon, Presbyterian, Catholic, Scientologist, or Shinto, they can decide that when alive. The dead should be left to their beliefs when alive, no matter how wrong we the living think they might have been.
My instructions to The Tim in these cases are that should he allow either of these to occur, I will: a) come back from the dead, b) beat the s**t out of him, and c) return to being dead. This, he takes seriously.
*****
When we first moved to Philadelphia, we had a lovely apartment in an area of the city which was always very fancy - the well-to-do, well-known, better-than-us people had always lived there. Our apartment building, for instance, had a fourth floor that was nothing but "servant's quarters" with small cells containing a bed and wash basin for those who worked for the people who had lived in the apartments when they were originally built. Anyway, Christmas was near, and I talked The Tim into going to Christmas Mass with me at the Catholic Church up the street, which had been built by the benevolent rich people for their lowly Irish servants. It's a beautiful church, but as we were sitting there waiting for Mass to begin, The Tim pointed out a mural to me that showed the Nativity of Christ - which of course, was appropriate and fine - BUT which showed St. Patrick and St. Bridget worshiping at the creche!!! My indignation at this illustration still amuses him to this day. I know that to a lot of people, the existence of God at all is just a story, etc., and that is fine. But I think it's safe to say that if any of it did happen at all as we have been told, that NONE of the saints traveled BACK IN TIME to be there!!!
Somewhat related to the above, do not ever send me a Christmas card that shows Santa kneeling to the baby Jesus. Santa and Jesus have no business appearing together. Jesus is Jesus and Santa is Santa and though both are a part of Christmas, they have not, do not, and never should hang out together. This is a hill that I am willing to die on.
*****
And finally, I know that this one is something a lot of people support but - stop putting frilly headbands on baby girls so that GOD FORBID no one thinks they are a boy baby! I cannot tell you how stabby this makes me. First of all, if you insist on doing this, then it is only fair that you make baby boys wear full-fledged tool belts. Secondly, it's a g*****n baby, and does not need head ornamentation especially headbands or bows which don't even stay on properly because few babies are born with adult head of hair. And why is it a problem if a baby girl is not immediately recognizable from the way it is dressed? Why is it impossible for people to say, "What a cute baby" instead of "What a cute baby boy/girl/squirrel?" WHY DOES IT MATTER IT'S A BABY??? As someone who was occasionally mistaken for a boy as a young child, I'm here to say that my parents and myself were somehow able to continue living our lives in spite of such a tragic occurrence.
*****
I'm sure that you have your own opinions on all/some of these, or that you just don't care, which is fine. But just know I will fight you on all of them. 😀
Ask The Tim. He'll tell you.
Have a good weekend, everyone!