31 December 2021

So Long 2021

Just like always on December 31, here we are on the last day of the year.  I always see it as bittersweet, because you can't help but think of what was, what wasn't, and what could/should have been.  Much of life is that way, but I think New Year's Eve brings it to the forefront.

The past year has been good in so many ways.  Everyone in our house is first of all, still alive, and that overtakes anything else both good or bad.  We all managed to stay fairly healthy, with a few bumps along the way but nothing serious.  That first and foremost makes it a good year as far as I'm concerned.

And I managed to get a fair amount of knitting done, a lot of reading, a good spell of exercising and working out before something put the kibosh on that for a few months; I've done pretty well on keeping up with the house and to some extent, our garden.  

We were able to take a trip to WV for Memorial Day, and then a weekend in Baltimore in the fall, so we saw some of our family in person finally - whoo hoo!

WE PAID OFF THE MORTGAGE ON OUR HOUSE.  That is something I never thought happened to anyone, much less to us!

But as you likely know, and as I don't mind telling you, I have struggled mightily this year, mental health-wise.  It hasn't been good that way.  Even on my a best days, the darkness is only about an inch away, but most of the time I'm used to it being there and can just tell it to stay there and move forward with my life.  

Unfortunately, this year that was not the case.  And 99.999999% of it had to do with my workplace.  As I have mentioned, at the beginning of the year, our CEO decided to take over direct supervision of our dept when our previous supervisor took a sabbatical.  That meant that a tenuous situation took a serious nosedive.  He has no idea what any of us actually do, and more to the point, doesn't care and doesn't want to know.  Yet he is the one in charge of us and the one who evaluated us at the end of the year.  There is only one person in the dept he likes, and well, he likes her a bit too much.  Out of the four of us, there are two left - me and Little Miss Favorite.  She doesn't even speak to me (no one has ever figured out why), and for the near future I'm stuck with the two of them.  This is the same person who told me I was stupid in a meeting with other people, and who regularly finds ways to harrass and/or criticize me.  I've reported him to HR, but nothing has happened.  

I did learn before the holidays that one of the managers lodged a formal complaint about him with HR, which will lead to an official investigation, so that small amount of misery-loving-company made me feel a bit vindicated.

But it's been hard to get up each day, go to work, and repeat.  And even though I have tried really hard to leave it in the building once I walk out the door (something that I am usually able to do), it just hasn't been the case.  Even over this past week, the spectre of the holiday week being over and having to go to work has just been there, laughing at me.  Ugh.    

I really hope I can find something - anything - in 2022.  So far, I've been lucky enough to get interviews for 2 part-time jobs, and then failed to be the person chosen.  That's gotten harder each time.  So please keep a good thought for me, since being able to leave where I am would be a huge help.
But - I'm still lucky, because I am surrounded by love and ridiculousness that can make me laugh, even when I feel the worst.  For instance, this photo:

This is an official Koodle selfie.  Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting on the couch reading, and Hamlet was being a real goofball.  So I grabbed my phone to take a picture of him.  Just as I got ready to snap the photo, the Koodle jumped up, bumped me on the elbow, which apparently changed the setting to selfie mode, and here he is!  It's not a great photo, but frankly it's a heckuva lot better than any selfie *I've* ever tried to take ... 😀

So let's all hope for more of this in 2022, and less of You-Know-Who.  I have been telling myself that it just has to get better, even if it is worse right now.  I'm not a Pollyanna by any means, but with a brand new year around the bend, I want the good parts to outweigh everything else.  

So long, 2021 - you weren't easy, but it wasn't all your fault.  Let's hope that the new year will brush off some of your dust so we can just be ourselves again.

Here's to 2022 - hopefully a new job, more vaccinated people, more goodness in the world!  Let's normalize the pandemic as a thing of the past, right?


Ellen D. said...

I sure hope you find a terrific new job in 2022. My daughter just found one and she has been looking for quite some time. I am so pleased because now she will live closer to me instead of 3 hours away. You will find the right place for you and you will be so happy to leave the old job behind.
Wishing you a year filled with good health, fun adventures and lots of love! :)

Nance said...

Oh, Bridget. Dragging yourself to work with a heavy heart day after day is a lousy and helpless feeling. I understand that emotion well, and I wish so much better for you.

This pandemic has been a source of sustained stress for us all, and its looming presence makes us feel like a shadow is hanging over all of our sunshine. It's hard to find our Joy, let alone celebrate and keep that feeling.

Your post shows that there is still Happiness to balance out our Anxiety and Frustration. We can still have our Joy and, more importantly, we must.

Happy New Year to you and your family, and YOUR home!

Araignee said...

I know all to well what happens to your mind when you are in a miserable work situation. I used to have to talk myself out of driving to the ER after work on some days to check myself into the psych yard. The last principal we had ran me out of my job. I had been at that school for 20 years and she made it her mission to make me as unhappy as she could. She wanted all of the old staff out so she could bring in her people. She succeeded. All of us who could retired and the rest transferred. The worst part is that she only lasted one more year herself. After running us all out, she left for an office job at the board.
I hope the new year brings you much happiness and that new job.
Happy New Year!