16 November 2017

Three Kinds of People Who Make Me Stabby

Well hello there, and welcome to this week's Three on Thursday!

Now just as a disclaimer, when I participate in this, I really do try to think of three things that are funny, happy, interesting, etc., because in spite of my personality, I don't want to go out of my way to post mean or terrible things. But to borrow a phrase, sometimes in the course of human events, people get to be too much for me, and I have to get some things off my chest. 

Thus is born this week's list:

 Three Kinds of People Who Make Me Stabby

I want to emphasize before I begin that I really and truly don't care what people do or think or say in their private lives and minds.  And if I actually ask you something, and you answer in a way that annoys me, I may be annoyed but I don't care because I asked you in the first place.  But the types below are those who must proclaim themselves, even if no one has asked them in the first place.

1.  The Noble Intellectual.  We all know at least one of these people.  Someone will mention how much they like a certain movie, TV show, book, celebrity, etc., and The Noble Intellectual proclaims, "I don't own a TV, I find it a waste of my time," or (this one is one of my co-workers), "I only read the classics, preferably in the original language."  

I always want to respond by saying something like, "Oh thank God someone here has taste and dignity!  I've always wondered if I'm the only person who has read the Bible from cover to cover in the original Aramaic."  I do practice self-control and keep my mouth shut, but it irritates the noodles out of me that there is always a person who clearly feels embarrassed that they were lowly enough to bring it up in the first place.

2.  The *Truly* Generous.  I'll say something like, "I had so much fun wrapping birthday/ Christmas/Arbor Day gifts this weekend," and The Truly Generous will proclaim, "We don't waste money on gifts, since we don't need to only give them on certain days, we love each other all year.  We make a huge donation to The World's Most Important Charity in honor of the holidays, because we feel that is the true meaning of giving."  

Puh-leeeeze.  I was always taught that true charity is giving your time, money, whatever, because you feel it is something you want to do, and that it is not something you go out of your way to point out to others, because that is not what giving is about.  Pointing out your own generosity is not just annoying, it's rude.  A lot of us are generous people, we just don't feel the need to let the world know every time we do something kind.  A lot of us would love to be able to give to specific organizations or causes, but don't have the luxury of extra money.  And a lot of people  enjoy wrapping up a gift - large or small - to give to someone else, even if they have also donated a million dollars to The Fund for Shutting Up The Truly Generous.

3.  The Annually Horribly Offended by Decorations.  These are people who are not just dismayed that retailers start with Christmas/holiday decorations or products near or right after Halloween, but somehow are convinced that no one else has noticed, and they are so affected by this offense, that they are unable to continue to enjoy ANYTHING.  

Spoiler alert: I don't know anyone who is thrilled with this, even the retailers themselves.  But they are in business to sell things and believe it or not, people actually buy things before December starts, and besides this happens every single freaking year.  And apparently, they are absolutely incapable of ignoring it.  These are generally the same people who regularly ignore signs saying "Please wait until your number is called," or, "Pedestrians have the right of way," or the homeless person on the street that they pass on a regular basis.  But I guess those situations are somehow different.

As you may have guessed, I have recently been around the above types to the point where it makes me want to scream.  But because I am a Superior and Controlled Person, I have not physically attacked them, nor have I placed anything dangerous into their food or drink.  And I felt the need to proclaim that, so you would be sure to know.  ;-)


Vera said...

Hahahahaha...and I will say it's most likely a good thing that I don't work where you do...just sayin'

Jeannie Gray Knits said...

Those intellectuals drive me crazy too! Just because I prefer to read free, poorly edited smut on my Kindle doesn't mean I can't read the classics in their original languages. Well, okay, I'd have to learn those original languages first, but I could do that if I wanted to. It's just that I'm too busy binge watching True Blood for the 14th time.

Lorraine said...

Bridget- Yes, on all counts.
Julia Roberts, who now wants us to believe in her latest film, that she is young enough to have a small child. Puh-leeze!

Anonymous said...

Irritates the noodles out of me .......................best line ever!!!

I will be STEALING that one!

Bonny said...

I saved your post for the last in my feedly list because I thought it would be a really good one, and that's exactly what it is! I also know people who are shining examples of the three types (and I may possibly have been a #3 myself at times). It got so bad working with a #1 several years ago that we used to make up ludicrous intellectual scenarios just to see if the noble intellectual would try to top it, and of course they did, every single time. Bravo on refraining from physical violence towards these people.

AsKatKnits said...

I have to admit, I laughed right out loud numerous times! Please, can you be my neighbor? And, let's have divine parties where we invite all these poor suffering dolts and then I shall watch you unleash your witty sarcasm. Please! Just the thought brings me riotous laughter!

Unknown said...

"I only read the classics, preferably in the original language."

I call bullpucky!

Kwizgiver said...

Best. Post. Ever.

Kym said...

OMG, Bridget. I just spit my sip of wine at my computer. ". . . I only read the classics, preferably in the original language." THANK YOU. This is just a brilliant post. XOXOX

Araignee said...

Oh, good golly I confess I have been guilty at times of all three for sure, with the least obnoxious being the last. I am only unhinged at early holiday decor when it gets in the way of the stuff I need. When they change out the Halloween stuff before I've had a chance to get my stuff and it's only the middle of Oct I am not happy. Then there is the year I made donations in all my kids names to worthy but obscure charities I saw on Oprah. That didn't go well. I won't mention my foreign language book collection...but it might make a good blog post one day.

gale (she shoots sheep shots) said...

Self righteous twits are SO ANNOYING! I love your comeback about the bible in aramaic, spit my coffee on that one. But then they'd probably one up you on not reading it from a parchment...or something.

Nance said...

I thoroughly enjoyed your outrage.

And Kym, I hope you didn't spit out anything of A Good Vintage, as judged by Me, An Insufferable Wine Snob Who Will Not Only Judge Your Taste In Wine, But Go On And On About Wine Whether You Like It Or Not.

(Not really.)

I am annually annoyed by ridiculously early holiday decorations, and I reserve the right to say so; not because I think no one else has noticed it, but because Misery Loves Company and Staying Silent Implies Consent/Approval. Does it Steal My Daily Joy? No.

karen said...

you and I could be best friends, I agree with you. I was in Michaels enjoying the holiday spirit and someone was complaining about it. hm. What a scrooge.

Lynn said...

HAHAHAHA This. I need to remember this!!!

"Oh thank God someone here has taste and dignity!

Mereknits said...

You are spot on my friend! I hear you on all descriptions. Might I add, the Grammar Police. I am not that great at writing I admit, but for those to correct others grammar is not only very rude it is condescending.