Kindness

(From the comic strip, "Mutts.")

A few years ago, I chose "kindness" for my word of the year - actually I chose it two years in a row.  Because I found that telling myself to consciously be more kind was good practice, and I hoped that by using that for my word two years in a row, it would become more of a habit than something I needed to remember to do or to be.  And to some extent, I've succeeded, though admittedly, I could probably keep it as my word for the year and never reach the place I would hope.  We are all human though, so we can only try our best.  

I cannot tell you how much all of your kind comments, notes, snail mail cards and letters, and small gifts have meant to me after posting about losing our sweet Hamlet.  Loss makes you feel so terribly alone, and when your friends surround you with kindness and love, it doesn't make the hurt less, but it does provide comfort.  And when many of those who are the kindest are people you actually either barely know or don't know in real life, it makes you realize that friendship is it's own kind of love.  So thank you so very much for *your* kindnesses to me, and by extension to The Tim and the kitties.  We are still in shock, but we are also grateful for so much, in particular that for Hamlet, the end was quick and not a lingering, painful time.  True, it makes it a bit harder for us. because we were not even thinking it would happen anytime soon, but I would rather we had to deal with that, than him having to be sick or worse for any length of time.  

Please know that if I have not responded to you, it's either because I don't have your e-mail address, or because I have not gotten myself together enough to be able to write snail mail notes yet.  But I'll get there - know in the meantime that your thoughts were received with gratitude.

I would have written all of the above at some point anyway, but was prompted to do it now by a couple of things I saw on social media.  A young man (we'll call him Dr. S.) who worked in the Entomology Department while he was a master's and Ph.D. student managed to successfully defend his thesis last year, and very fortunately obtained a teaching position at a nearby college.  This guy is truly one of the nicest people I have ever met - I guess you could say his mother raised him well (his father apparently died when he was about 6 years old).  He is friendly and personable, but also really caring.  Whenever I was on medical leave due to surgery, or illness, I always received a note or an e-mail from him, saying that he hoped I was doing better, or that he missed talking to me, etc.  And he is the kind of person who you know means it, and is not simply saying it because it's the right thing to say.

So the other day, when he posted this on Facebook, I was not surprised at all:

A student asked to submit a paper a day late because...

She was "overcome with joy and excitement and cannot focus!" because her family's "first child of the next generation was born!"

You can take the whooole week,

congrats

!!!

-- COMMENT: Very kind. My son asked for an extension bc of severe anxiety and a total cloud fail when he submitted a paper and got a “no”. Always be kind.

And there you have it - the difference a small bit of kindness can make.

Now I know that there are always people in school, at work, in life, who try to take advantage and always ask for special consideration.  I don't think they deserve to have exceptions made for them, though it often happens anyway.  And I'm sure a lot of professors would have told the girl whose family had a new baby that it was wonderful news, but you still need to meet the deadline.  I think the fact that Dr. S. not only gave her the grace she requested, but then posted about it happily on social media shows the kind of person he is and wants to continue to be.

Then there is the other professor, mentioned by a current colleague in the comment.  I'm sure this professor has heard several excuses leading to a request for an exception, and are probably pretty savvy at fishing out the fakes (or maybe I am giving them a benefit of the doubt that they don't deserve).  But I think the larger problem here is that for people who have never dealt with true, often crippling, anxiety, it's not a legitimate excuse.  Most people see it as a temporary feeling and something that you can easily "just get over."  Sometimes, it is.  Mostly - at least in my case - it's not.  Oh I am still able to function for the most part, but not really in an optimal way.  I wish more people understood how seriously true anxiety can affect a person.  And I hope down the road, my colleague's son will not only have help with his anxiety, but find a more considerate professor.

In short, as she says at the end of her comment, "Always be kind."  It means more than you'll ever be able to understand.

Again, thanks to all of you for your kindness, especially in the last couple of weeks. 

Love and Be Loved

I promise this blog will not become a "Bible Quote of the Day" thing, but I love this image, and I think it's good to be reminded of the quote from time to time.

I just finished reading a tribute from a colleague to his mother, who was found in a lake in a remote area of Ontario, Canada, where her fishing boat had overturned in the bad weather there a couple of days ago.  An extremely sad thing, devastating of course to her family.  But his tribute to her and the accompanying photos, showing her love of nature, fishing, and life on the lake were as much a celebration of her as it was a remembrance.

But the thing that shone through more than anything was the love he had for his mother.  The link of their souls that will never be gone.  

At a time when so many people are estranged from their families, and either have lost the love they had for them, or have had it diminished, it was a reminder that love is, in fact, the most important thing.  If your love is for your family, good for you.  But it's the love that is important.  Love yourself, and love someone.  They don't have to be a blood relation, just love someone.

And make it the kind of love that allows you to celebrate them, even when the worst happens.  It's the one thing that never dies.

MLK Day 2021

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." 

 -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Even as a little kid, this quote struck me.  I think of it often, not just on this particular day when we celebrate Dr. King's birthday as a national holiday.  I think part of what always made me stop and think about it was that even then, I realized that the "content of their character" was how everyone should be judged.  

God knows we have had plenty of examples of people with the "right" color of skin (ugh) showing themselves to have no content of character over the past few years.  

In any case, I too hope that Dr. King's words will someday prove true, and I also firmly believe that to get there, we need to follow the saying, "If you want peace, work for justice."

I firmly believe we can do this, that we can bring ourselves, our communities, and our country back to a place where the everyday is just that - plain, old everyday.  Where we can go about our lives being kind to others, but also remembering that we are all deserving of basic humanity.  We can work for justice, and for those who think this can only be done in a hugely public way, I have news for you: working for justice can be as public or as private as you want to make it, it's all up to you.  Yes, you can march, join a demonstration, or attend public gatherings where you can make your voice heard.  But you can also work behind the scenes, you can write a letter to your representatives, you can volunteer in your community, you can simply even just make sure that those you see every day, that your own neighbors are treated as well, and have the same chances that you do - and if they don't, do something about it.  

It's hard and it can be messy and sometimes discouraging and people may dismiss you as a "hippie dippy type," but who cares?  Prove your own content of character and make sure that people see that.  

And yes, we can concentrate on it today, but it should be part of our everyday.

A Fourth Poem for a November Sunday

Kindness

Naomi Shihab Nye, 1952

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things, 

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth.

What you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

You must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

Go Easy and Be Kind

This isn't the post I was originally planning to write today.  Not that what I was going to say was life-changing and important, but I had something else in mind.

As I was walking out the door this morning to church, our next door neighbor was coming up the street towards their house.  I was surprised to see him, because I knew their teenaged daughter's school was already closed for the holidays, and we expected that they would be spending their holiday in Maine.  They are in the process of building a vacation house there, and love to go up and spend time there whenever they have a bit of extra time off.  I mentioned this, and he said that was the original plan, but things changed suddenly.

His mother died this past Thursday.

Now we don't know his parents well, but we saw them regularly when they would visit next door.  They moved from their family home in Illinois about five years ago to be closer to the couple who lives next door, and I always thought it was especially nice how much they seemed to love their daughter-in-law, and how she was crazy about them.  Todd's mother was a lovely woman, always smiling, and with a wonderful sense of humor.  In the past few years, she had two hip replacements and bounced right back with few problems.  Todd said that she had a massive stroke last Tuesday.  Apparently her birthday was last Wednesday, and she told them she wanted to hang on for that.  She had always insisted that her birthday be celebrated separately from Christmas, so they had cupcakes and sang Happy Birthday to her, which she really enjoyed.  She told them it would be OK to have to leave now, and she died the next day.

That is so poignant to me.  I'm very glad she didn't linger and suffer, and I know it's a shock for all of her family, but to some degree it sounded like she did things her way, on her terms.  And in the end, she was surrounded by those she loved and who loved her, and frankly, I envy her that.  Todd says that she had always wished her adult children and their families would spend Christmas together, enjoying each others' company and telling funny stories, etc.  He said that in the saddest way possible, she finally got her wish.  They are all going to try and have as good a Christmas as possible in her honor.

Todd also told me that his dad and his mom were "lifelong buds," having met each other in elementary school.

I guess you don't really need to know all of this.  But I wanted you to know, because I think it's important to know that someone is no longer here who mattered to so many people.  We get so caught up in our own plans, thoughts, and problems, that we forget that when someone - anyone - dies, it's a ripple effect to an extent we might never know.

After talking to Todd, I walked up to church, and as it turns out, a baby girl was being baptized today.  There she was, dressed in a fancy christening dress, with her proud parents, older brother, and others, all smiling and beaming because of the occasion.  And I thought, wow, universe, way to remind me of the circle of life and all that.  That little girl will never know Mrs. Drake, but she will meet others like her; she has a grandmother that means everything to her.  Or maybe she'll have next door neighbors with a mom like Mrs. Drake.  She will undoubtedly have an intersection in her life with someone like Todd's mother, though she may never realize what that woman means to others.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is no doubt that everyone has lost someone along the way.  And no matter what, it's not easy, and it is never fair.  Having loved someone and/or knowing they loved you is so hard, but so worthwhile, even when you have to say goodbye.

Tread lightly around others when you can.  You don't miss someone only when they die, any more than you are only happy when someone is born.  Smile at someone and mean it.  Wish someone a Merry Christmas.  Make someone laugh.  Hold someone's hand.

Be kind.  We can't always love everyone, but we can try to be kind and that's better than nothing.

Thanksgiving Eve People

Yesterday afternoon (which is technically Thanksgiving Eve Eve), I had delivered something to another person at work and as I was leaving their office, I said, "I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving."  Because I knew it was unlikely that I would see that person today.  And her response was, "HOW can you tell me to celebrate a holiday that is all about the oppression of Native Americans and celebrates gluttony?"

Look.  I get it, I really do.  There are lots of problems with American history, white privilege, and oppression and exploitation of non-white peoples.  And I am also aware that the first Thanksgiving was not two groups of people joining together to sing "Kumbaya" and say that everything was perfect.  (OK, I especially hope they didn't sing "Kumbaya," but you know what I mean.)

I do want the world to be better.  I even try to do what I can to make it so, and I wholeheartedly support those who make it their lives' work to fight for justice.

But I also love Thanksgiving, and what it means in the most general sense.  Yes, I know we should all be thankful every day, and I do try to do that.  But I love that we have a national holiday devoted to that.  It's the coziest of holidays, if you ask me, and I know that for some this holiday - or any holiday really - is fraught with stress and/or unhappiness, and that makes me sad.  I am however not directly responsible for what others experience or feel on or about the holiday.  I can only live my life with  my truth.

And all of that was my long-winded and ranty way of getting to the topic of the people I interacted with on my way to work on this Thanksgiving Eve (btw, I hope you also enjoy today,Kym, since I know you also "celebrate" Thanksgiving Eve).

First up was a woman and her dog that I see on occasion when I am leaving for work.  She appears to be a lovely young woman, and her dog looks like a mini-Golden Retriever.  We always stop and say hello-and-how-are-you to each other, and of course I make a fuss over the dog.  We had a lovely, if brief conversation, and she was looking forward to going to her parents' house tomorrow (with the dog) and enjoying the meal, even though she is disappointed that she has to work on Friday.

A few blocks away, I met a young guy with a black Labradoodle puppy (9 weeks old!) named Monty.  As you can imagine, Monty was ADORABLE, and very kissy.  The guy said he was a puppy who was "simultaneously cute and a demon," which made me laugh. 

The I decided to stop and treat myself to a cup of tea at a place on the way.  The young man who took my order said "Have a wonderful Thanksgiving," as he handed me my change, he also smiled.  While I was waiting for my order, a guy moved in front of me to get a napkin.  He had on a sweater with a really beautiful yoke design.  I complimented him on the sweater, and he pointed to a woman nearby and said, "Thanks - but you should really compliment her, she knitted it.  She also made me this hat," and the three of us proceeded to have a very pleasant conversation about knitting and knitting for those who appreciate it.  (The sweater was this pattern, for those wondering.)

This was a really nice way to start a morning, any morning, but especially this one, after my last interaction of the day yesterday was with someone who gave me a lecture. 

And you know what?  These are some of the things I am thankful for - the actual kindess of strangers.  People usually think that cities are just a bunch of nameless people ignoring each other, or worse, doing/saying terrible things and not caring.  And trust me, people in Philadelphia do not suffer fools gladly (maybe that's why I like living here)!  But it occurred to me that overall, I have more interactions like those this morning than negative ones.  As a matter of fact, a lot of the negative interactions occur more with people I actually know.

So on this Thanksgiving Eve, I find myself being happy that people I do not know, some of whom I am likely to never see again, were able to be kind.  I am happy that they reminded me that each of us is doing the best we can to get through life, and that it doesn't have to be perfect to be OK. 

I hope your day goes as well.  :-)

Wishing All of You a Gentle Weekend

I am excited because after work today, I have a three-day weekend, and few things in life are better than that, at least at this moment.  As far as I know, the only thing I *have* to do is show up tomorrow for my haircut appt, so I have no plans and a million plans, if you know what I mean.

And I'm on board with that.  Lately, I'm feeling tired of the world.  Mostly because I find it tiring these days when everyone is worked up about everything.  When nothing and no one is good enough, active enough, smart enough, sincere enough, feminist enough, and on and on. 

I am of the firm belief that most people try their best most of the time.  That may be naive, but I truly do believe it.  It's hard enough to get up every day and face the universe.  Even people who seem to lead charmed lives still have something that is a struggle for them - maybe it's internal, or maybe they are just good at keeping it in the undertow.

In addition, everyone chooses their own battles to fight more intensely than others.  This is what seems to me to be what has been lost.  And you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.  For example, I have a close friend who works non-stop to prevent hunger.  She has decided that for her, that is the focus of her existence.  I admire her commitment, and I know that she sacrifices time with her family to help others.  And as far as I know, they understand and are OK with it.  Recently, she was asked by someone in her kids' school PTA group to run for office in the PTA, and she explained that she felt that would be overextending herself.  Now she is getting all kinds of blowback from other parents and some of the school faculty, asking why she cares more for strangers than her own children and their friends and their well-being.  Someone told her she "doesn't care enough" about kids at one of the PTA meetings.  She got up and explained her reasoning, and that she *does* care, but felt that her current efforts with the organization where she volunteers would suffer if she cut back on her time, and that would have a direct effect on those they try to help.  Apparently, she was then criticized and mocked for thinking she was "so incredibly important." 

And that is just one example of the kind of thing that is making me tired.  What business of anyone else is it if we decide that we prefer A to B?  Unless A is serial killing, and B is fighting for women's rights?  How is it up to others to decide how much we do, how much we care, if we are "enough"?  And if they don't like our explanation, why does that deserve to be criticized and mocked as well? 

I feel very strongly about certain things.  That doesn't mean I ignore everything else.  I will do whatever I can to stand up for what I think is right or wrong, I will defend others until the cows come home if I feel they are worth it (and I will defend the cows if they decide not to come home, if someone is mistreating them!).  Like everyone else, I have a certain amount of energy, certain things I have to do, and a certain number of hours in a day.  Unlike most people that I know, I have a very low tolerance level for double standards and crap.

So this weekend, other than getting my hair cut, I'm gonna be gentle with myself.  Because I'm tired, and I haven't done anything wrong.  My way is not your way, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong, or that I don't care.  And I hope that you will treat yourself gently as well.  Know that not only can we not be everything to everyone, but that it's fine.  Most people try their best most of the time.  If you are like most people, give yourself a break.  Smile and enjoy what you are lucky enough to have, for those around you that you care about.  Don't worry if you are "enough" of anything.  Just be.  Do.  Think.  Laugh.  Help.  Look.  Be gentle.

We deserve it.

Have a gentle weekend, my friends.

Something I've Been Meaning to Tell You

I keep reliving this event over and over in my head, and not necessarily for the reasons you might assume.

The day I broke my wrist, Hamlet and I were out for a walk.  I stopped paying attention to where I was walking, and realized I was falling.  I put out my hands to break my fall, and as a result, knocked out some front teeth (that went through my upper lip to the outside, yikes!), and of course, badly broke my right wrist.  As well as some cuts and bruises, as one would expect.

I remember sitting up after I fell, and being in a bit of shock, a lot of pain, and very dismayed that something like this had happened.  Again.  I didn't see any other people around at first, and was wondering how long I would need to sit there on the sidewalk before I could manage to get up and head home (I was about 2 blocks from our house).

I heard a car door close, and someone said, "Are you hurt?"  I looked up, and a man who appeared to be in his late 30s-early 40s was standing there.  He was dressed in clothing that indicated he worked in construction or some related thing.  I told him that I was pretty sure I broke my wrist, and he offered to take me to the emergency room.  I asked if he could take me home, so I could put Hamlet in the house, and then my husband would take me to the hospital.  So he helped me get up, and helped me into his truck, and also put Hamlet in the back seat.  I gave him directions to get to our house, and he helped me out of the truck to the front door.

At this point, besides thanking him for approximately the 400th time, I asked him for his name, and/or address/e-mail so I could properly let him know how much I appreciated his help.  To which he replied, "Oh no, ma'am, I was glad to help.  And I don't want to be reported to ICE."

I can remember thinking, would someone actually DO that to someone who had helped them?  And then I realized that, yes, there are people who would do that at the first opportunity.  And I was truly saddened and ashamed to make that realization.

We tell ourselves, others, and our children that helping others is so important, and that kindness, empathy, and compassion should always inform the way we go about in the world.  Talking heads on our TVs tell us that America has become a divided nation, and children are separated from their parents indefinitely at our border.  Border agents tear gas migrants fleeing poverty and oppression, and our "leaders" say it's necessary and not that bad.

The holidays are here.  We just had Thanksgiving, where we celebrated abundance and brotherhood and were reminded to be thankful.  The season reminds us - regardless of religious beliefs or none - to remember those who are not as fortunate, and to help them if we can.  We draw closer to loved ones, realizing how lucky we are, regardless of what we complain about all of the time.

And here I am, not just thankful for the man who helped me, but frustrated that I was not able to let him know in a more coherent way how grateful I was for his help, because of a truly terrible person in charge, and his terrible, spineless allies who instead want me to turn him in because he is not here legally.

That's the end of the story, as far as my direct interaction with my helper.  But it has made me more committed than ever to do everything in my power to be like him - helping someone who needs it, even if the worst case scenario could come into play.

Say "thank you" to someone today.  Help someone if you can, no matter how big or small that help may be.  Do it because of him, and to help me pay his kindness forward.

And, lest I not take my own advice - thank you for reading and for your continued friendship and encouragement during my recovery.   You are all what the world is truly made of and what will prevail if we can just stay on track.

Things That Have Made It Feel Spring-y

Hello sports fans!  OK, maybe I'm the only sports fan, but that's how my mother used to wake us up for school every morning (again, I was the only one remotely interested in sports ... my sisters were interested if a cute boy was on a team or something, but other than that, forget it).  

Anyway, how was your weekend?  It wasn't actually too spring-like here in Philadelphia - cool, rainy, and then even when the rain stopped, it was mostly overcast.  It was a good weekend to do some knitting reading, and catching up on recorded TV, as well as watching college basketball.  (I wanted Gonzaga to win last night, but at least it was a good game.) 

I kinda sorta finished the first Ty Dy yarn sock, in that the "tube" is finished, but I didn't do the afterthought heel.  I decided I'd wait until both socks were ready for that, and do it all at once.  Well, so to speak, who knows if it will be straightforward enough to do two at once, or one a day ... I thought I'd taken a picture, but I know realize it was an Instagram photo, with Jack blocking most of the picture. Shocking, I know.  Anyway the yarn is more like blocks of color, rather than stripes or even pooling.  But every once in a while, there's a random one-row/part of one-row stripe.  It's weird.  And I feel somewhat obliged to try and make them match, since the blocks of color are quite large.  We'll see - if it starts to aggravate me, I may end up with mismatched color block socks.  

But I digress, I wanted to show you some things that made it feel like spring to me.  

First up, my new box for my Box o' Socks:

Isn't it pretty?  I like it because it's not just springy, but it's not just a regular box.  I was using a gift box from Nordstrom's which was a lovely silver box, but The Tim kept putting it away with some other gift boxes I'd saved.  And I don't think many socks would have actually fit into it, in the end.  This one is nice and deep, so I can layer them if nothing else.  And if I don't do another Box o' Socks next year (or anytime soon), I can still have a lovely box for various uses.  I'm sure I'll get my money's worth - it wasn't that expensive to start!

Next, the happy daffodils in the front planter of our house!  Believe it or not, this photo was taken on Sunday, and there are even more of them today!  They started budding way too early, but even the cold temperatures and some snow didn't deter them.  I love daffodils, they always look so happy to me.  Even if nothing else blooms or "takes" this year, at least we had lots of daffodils!

Baseball season has started, and yesterday the Phillies won their first game of the season - yay!  I'm hoping they will have a good season this year.  Last year they weren't too bad, considering most of the team was new players, and there were some standouts.  I know they won't be heading to the World Series, but I really hope they improve on last year.

Not related necessarily to springtime, but related to knitting, I recently watched an episode of the podcast Treehouse Knits.  I liked it, but I especially liked the segment where she gave some information on the background of Icelandic Sheep.  Plus the photos of the sheep made me happy.  If you decide to check it out, the specific part about the sheep starts at about 17:30, and goes for approximately 7 minutes.  That alone with is worth seeing/hearing.

Just one more thing - thank you for your kind comments from the part of my last post where I talked about giving the woman a hug when I learned she was taking her dog for her last walk.  It turns out that a reporter at one of the local news stations saw her post, and contacted her for a story.  Granted, they misspelled my last name in the article, but it's still a nice write up.  If you are interested in reading it, here's the link.  As I mentioned when I shared it on Facebook, I mainly wanted people to stop and think about how much a small gesture of kindness can help someone more than you might think.  :-)

That's it for now.  I hope your week is going well so far.  And I hope you will come across some things that make you feel like springtime has truly arrived.

Random Things on a Rainy Friday

Well, Spring is not sprung-ing today in Philadelphia, that's for sure.  Right now, it's about 38 degrees and POURING!  Gah.  It's that kind of damp that makes you cold even once you are inside.

Anyway, this is your occasional post of random things from my brain.  Feel free to look away.

You may have read about our Vice-President saying at one point that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife.  Which I find terribly weird, but I also think it's creepy that he calls his wife "Mother."  In any event, this picture of Mike Pence and the expression on his face, along with the headline from the Onion made me laugh out loud.  He does look rather concerned ...

I'm doing something new (to me) with the pair of socks I'm knitting - I'm going to attempt an Afterthought Heel.  I don't know how well it will turn out, nor do I know if I'll want to do it after this pair of socks - it feels like it's making the knitting of even just one a long slog, since there's no "progression."  I think I like the feeling of cuff, leg, heel flap, heel, gusset, foot, toe - they are all progress markers for me, and it starts to look like a sock.  But who knows, I may feel differently once I actually install the heels on the socks.

Have you watched "The Detour"?  They are on season two, and it is the most ridiculous show (gross sometimes, too), and we laugh ourselves silly watching it.

Apologies to the blogger who mentioned this, since I cannot remember where I read it, but they recommended the Harry Potter and the Sacred Text podcast.  I've listened to the first two chapters' episodes and the teaser, and so far am really enjoying it.  It's not preachy, it just looks at the books from a whole different perspective.

Since it was raining so hard, I put on my rain boots to go to work.  It was the first time I've worn something other than the cast or my walking shoes on my right foot since January 11th, when I broke my ankle.  It was extremely uncomfortable, to say the least.  At least once I make my way home today, I won't have to go out again.

OK, this falls into the category of Blowing My Own Horn, but ... last Sunday, I went out to take a little walk around the block, and I saw a couple walking their little doggie.  I asked if I could pet the dog, and they said that it was the last walk for her, and they were on their way to the vet for the last time.  The young woman was sobbing, so I gave her a hug, because I know only too well how she was feeling.  Then  on Monday, I got a notification of a post on the Nextdoor site for our neighborhood, and when I opened it, this is what I saw:

"To the stranger who saw me crying in the street this morning as I walked my dog one last time before I had to let her go- who hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay- thank you."

My Monday was a little better because of it. :-)

I saw this picture on Facebook this week, and ... well, let's just say that I think we can all guess how this would go over ...

OK, that's it for now.  I'm glad the weekend is just a matter of hours now.  I'll probably watch the Final Four games of March Madness, and do the usual weekend things, but so far I have no specific plans.  Which is fine, since some busy weekends are coming up.  I hope yours is a good one!

I saw this the other day.  I think it's worth keeping in mind, for the weekend and every day.  :-)

The End of a Love Affair

Just so you know - this is a long post.  :-)

**********

When The Tim and I moved to Center City Philadelphia so many years ago, we were thrilled that we lived within easy walking distance of so many places and things we liked to do.  Our neighborhood is only a short distance away from all kinds of fun and interesting places, and even if we don't patronize all of them, we are happy that most of them exist.

We moved into our house in December, and after the first of the year, I was walking home and noticed that a yarn store had opened, and it was only a few blocks away!  I went in and looked around, and there were so many beautiful colors and textures.  And the people there were so nice and welcoming, and mentioned that they would be providing knitting classes.  That was extremely exciting to me.

You see, when I was in the eighth grade, one time when I was home sick from school for a few days, Mrs. Regele from across the street came over with a ball of bright red yarn and knitting needles.  She cast on some stitches and taught me the knit stitch.  It was so much fun, and I knitted a very wonky-looking, very long scarf.  Sadly though, by the time I had used up all of the yarn, she and her family had moved away.  I didn't know anyone else that knit and could show me what to do next, so that was that.

Fast forward to being an adult, living in Oak Park, Illinois.  Once when we were at a local strip mall for something, I noticed a Lee Wards (anyone remember them?) with a sign offering knitting classes.  I signed up, and for 4 weeks learned how to cast on, knit, purl, and cable (still one of my faves), and bind off.  I bought some yarn, and made a scarf for The Tim, a scarf for my mother, one for myself, a baby blanket for my then new niece Annie, and a pillow for my sister Mary Ellen.  Each one was mostly garter stitch, but they were all exciting to make, and filled with love for the recipients. I do recall that when I made the two pillow pieces, I had no idea how to join them, so a friend of my mother's did the finishing for me.  

Then we moved to DC, and I didn't know anyone who knit, and it really didn't occur to me that there were yarn stores - you know, other than just places that sold overall craft supplies.  But we had a busy life and I didn't really think at all about knitting, except occasionally when I would see a sweater I liked in a store and wish I could knit sweaters.

So when I saw that Rosie's Yarn Cellar (then called Sophie's Yarns) was right near my house, and they offered lessons, I decided to sign up.  At that time, you learned to knit by knitting a sweater!  (As time went on, they started with smaller items and more basic instructions.)  It was exciting, puzzling, frustrating, and completely addicting.  Lisa Myers, the owner and instructor, was an English Ph.D. who was an amazing knitter, and had decided to leave academia and open a yarn store.  No matter how many times I had the same question over and over, or needed the same help over and over, she would be there, answering and fixing.  If it drove her nuts, she never showed it, and she truly believed that if you wanted to knit something that had a technique you didn't know, you could do it no matter what.  (And I have to say is that, to this day, my knitting limitations are all mine, all in my head.)

I spent way too much time there, bugging Lisa and other staff with questions that I now know were usually very basic, and I have to say, often just kind of stupid.  But the help, encouragement, and friendliness there made it such a wonderful place to be.  There was yarn, needles, classes, other knitters, books, so much to learn all of the time!  Over the years, I spent many happy hours there, even when [most of the time] I would buy nothing, or just something like a stitch holder.  Never did I feel any less important to the shop than those buying hundreds of dollars worth of yarn.

A few years in, Lisa asked me if I would be able/willing to fill in on weekends when people called out sick, or couldn't be there, since I lived so close.  I was *thrilled* that she asked me, and though I didn't feel like a very accomplished knitter, wasn't too worried, because I knew the other person working with me would probably know more.  

A few years after that, they needed someone to work on Sundays, as one of the usual people was no longer able to do so.  I was fortunate enough to be able to do that, and even eventually teach some classes.  I was bus captain a couple of times for the annual trek to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival.  I learned a whole lot more about knitting, yarn, and was enveloped in a universe that I would have never known about.  Rosie's has always been there for me.  When I quit my job a few years back, Lisa arranged for me to pick up more hours so that our finances would not be completely desperate.  

But after Saturday, September 5, Rosie's will no longer exist.  For a myriad of reasons, Lisa made the difficult decision to close the shop just a few months shy of its 20 year anniversary.  

To say I am sad is an understatement.  I am person who gets extremely attached to things and places, and I have been very attached to Rosie's.  It has given me not just a hobby, but a skill that has taught me to be patient and more persevering than ever.  It has given me confidence in my own abilities.  It has allowed me to meet some of the "knitterati" and count them as personal friends.  My world has been exponentially expanded, personally and knitting-ly (I know, not a word).  This blog (which is read by tens of people on its best day) would probably not exist if someone I'd worked with early on didn't keep saying, "God, Bridget, you need a blog if you want to connect with the knitting world!" A lot of people that I think of as good friends are those I met and/or worked with, at Rosie's.

It's also going to be hard for me to convince Dug that we can't go inside any more.  He loved going there, and I have actually had to remember not to walk past there when it's not open, because he just parks himself at the door ... On Sundays, all I'd have to say is "Wanna go to Rosie's?" and he would jump up ready to go (and Dug *never* jumps up otherwise).

Fortunately, there are other yarn stores in Philadelphia (a few from Rosie's alums):  Hidden River Yarns, Loop (also right near me, they are gonna be sorry!), Yarnphoria, and The Tangled Web.  They are all great shops run by nice people, and I'm extremely grateful that they are here.  

But you know how it is - you never get over your first love.  :-)

Thank you Lisa, for changing my life for the good in more ways than I could even count.  I am happy to have you as a friend, and wish you more than the best always.  

I'll still be knitting, and forcing you read about it sharing projects and other ramblings with you, so I'm not disappearing.  Life does go on, after all.  It would just be nicer if the universe did things MY way ... yet, the universe never even asks me for my opinion.  Go figure.

The Kindness of (Sorta) Strangers, Part 2

Last month, I showed you a pair of socks that a blog friend knit and sent to me when I was recovering from surgery in July.  That post is here, in case you didn't get to see it.  As I mentioned in that post, receiving those socks was one of the things that made me feel so happy while I was otherwise feeling awful.

Lorraine is not the only blog friend who took the time to be thoughtful and let me know someone was thinking of me and wishing me well.  Amazing.

I have been reading Lorette's blog for years, and we have become really good online friends.  We have a common love for wine and cocktails, knitting, food, music, and reading, just to name a few things.  Through Facebook, her husband John has also become a friend.  So when a package arrived with their return address, I was really curious to see what might be inside.  I opened it, and it was a gorgeous skein of Eidos yarn from The Verdant Gryphon.  The colorway?  The Kidney Heist!  Let me tell you,  The Tim and I got a BIG laugh out of that - and it hurt me to laugh!  The Tim almost immediately said, "That would make great socks for me," and I said something to the effect of, "Excuse me?"

Fast forward to last October.  Our anniversary was coming up, and The Tim is a really hard person, present-wise.  He usually buys things he wants for himself.  So I decided to actually go ahead and use "the kidney yarn" (as we called it) to make him a pair of socks - I mean, it's the only thing he had actually requested.

The details about the socks and their making will be in another post. but I can tell you that they finally got finished, and that knitting with that yarn was a truly wonderful experience.  So soft, and so pretty!  Here's one of the pictures I have of the finished pair:

Again, how lucky am I to have a friend like Lorette, who - even though we have never laid eyes on one another, or even spoken on the phone - sent me not just beautiful yarn, but yarn with a colorway name that was a) appropriate, and b) hilarious?  I still find it astonishing that she took the time to send it to me.

Thanks, Lorette and John!  You gave me a happy feeling and a good (if somewhat painful) laugh at a time when I needed it more than just about anything else, and I will always remember your kindness.

Kindness is never a bad thing.

The Kindness of People I Know in Real Life

Remember a few days ago when I wrote about the wonderful socks that my blog friend Lorraine knit for me?  That was the first post I wanted to write to let you know how lucky I felt - and feel - to have people who care and take the time to show it.  Personally, I long to be more like that, and really want to try to be.  But most creative things I do take me a long time to finish, and I usually spend more time wishing I'd make something than making it.

Anyway, I digress.

Someone I've known for a long time, since we met when working many years ago together at Rosie's, is Carol.  As a matter of fact, I saw the very first yarn she ever dyed and made into a scarf for a fundraiser at her kids' school.  Now of course she is a famous yarn dyer and knitting designer, and knitters all over the place know who she is.  We don't get to see each other all that often, but we are in touch a lot, and trade insults all of the time on Facebook.  Even if she was only an everyday knitter like I am, I would love her, because she is hilarious, caring, and shares a lot of the same social and political views that I do.

While I was recuperating from surgery, she posted a few pictures of square she had cut out to make a quilt, mentioning that she was making it for someone special.  The squares were so pretty, and some quite whimsical.  I've seen her quilts in pictures before, so I knew it would look amazing once it was finished.  I was also jealous of the person who would be receiving it.  A week or so later, she posted that it was in the mail to the recipient, and I thought "Oh that lucky person."

Never, ever, ever, did it even cross my mind that the person she was making the quilt for would be ME!  But a few days later, a nice, cushy package arrived.  The return address was Carol's, but I still didn't expect to find a quilt inside.  But I opened it up, and there was one of the best quilts I'd ever seen, and she had chosen fabrics that seemed to be made for me.

I've tried on more than one occasion to photograph all or parts of it, without any kind of success.  You can get the idea of it, but I have a dinky little digital camera and no real skills, so the things I wanted to be able to show you, I just could not capture no matter how much I tried.

Carol has been nice enough to grant me permission to use the photos she took and published on her blog when she wrote about making the quilt.  So now, you can see what it really looks like.  Take a look:

 Cut out squares

 Arranging the squares

 Look at the variety!

Finished quilt

 Folded quilt with awesome turquoise binding

 !!!

The back

I still cannot believe that someone made me a quilt - and as you can see, it's not a teeny tiny one, it's quilt-sized!  And as if that was not enough, she also enclosed a skein of her Black Bunny Fiber yarn and a hat pattern* - I mean it when I say that I was pretty overwhelmed by the contents of the package.   I see the quilt every single day, and it makes me smile, and feel so happy that I have a loving friend like Carol.  Everyone should be so lucky, you know?

But please don't tell her I've gotten all grateful and mushy here, because that might just ruin the whole relationship ... ;-)


*I will show you the yarn and hat pattern once I have rearranged my stash and it is safe.  Right now, the patterns and yarns are tucked deep into a closet, since the Koodle has recently decided that destroying both is the most fun thing on earth.

The Big Fall

Last Monday in my e-mail, I got the prompt for that week's Ten on Tuesday, and thought it sounded like a fun one.  So I wrote the post, and scheduled it to appear  on Tuesday.  Since I would be at work on Tuesday (I had taken Monday off, since it was Bloomsday), I wouldn't have to remember to post it when I got home that evening.

As it turns out, if I had decided to wait and post on Tuesday, it never would have happened.

Monday evening while The Tim was at work, Dug the Doodle Dog and I went out for his evening walk, and it was so pleasant, with a nice breeze.  We were going along on our way home nicely.  I was going to give Dug a treat, and maybe give myself a manicure when we got home.  Next thing I remember, I woke up and I was lying in the middle of the street, with Dug sitting next to me.  I sat up, and saw that my glasses were broken, and I was covered in blood, and bleeding.  A woman brought a towel over, and was trying to help me, and a young man came up and asked if he could call someone for me (I was with it enough to give him the number for The Tim at work).  Another lady was kind enough to drive me and Dug home for The Tim to meet us there.

So when he got home about two seconds after I did, we headed over the ER at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, which is not far from our house.  They of course took me back to a room immediately.  Since I couldn't remember anything about what happened, they wanted to keep me overnight for observation and do a bunch of tests.  I got ten stitches in my upper right lip, some inside, some outside.  I broke off part of a front tooth.  There were no observation rooms available, so I spent the next 24 hours in my ER room.  I had approximately 1,000 tests of  all kinds, was poked, prodded, questioned, had blood drawn and my temperature taken approximately 100 times, and finally they let me go home on Tuesday evening.

Coming home and taking a shower - washing off the dried blood and cinders from the street - was one of the best things ever.  I still hurt, I missed a week of work which pains me since I of course I didn't really have that much sick time.  I look much better than I did last week, but would still likely frighten small children (and have certainly startled a few adults!).

On  top of which, The Tim and I had both made plans to take the week we are currently in as vacation.  We had some plans to do day trips, and some other things.  Instead, I have been going to a bazillion different dr appts.

I am lucky.  No bones were broken or fractured, my injuries will [eventually] heal, and I can get my tooth fixed (though not soon enough to suit me).  But from the day-to-day standpoint, it really sucks.  My fave glasses are DOA, and I am in a lot of pain, besides looking like I lost a prize fight.

Sigh.

However, on the bright side, I did get to wear all of the wristbands they had available at the ER!  ;-)

Tuesday Tidbits

Hello there - I hope everyone had a happy Passover, Easter, or that you were able to enjoy a spring weekend recently!  We had a nice Easter, though it was very different than usual.  We headed to my niece's in Baltimore, to stay with her and her husband for the weekend.  Usually they come up here, but it was fun to see everyone there, and it had been a long time since we had headed south.

I have no particular reason for posting today, just felt like it.  So I decided to share some of my recent mind ramblings.  You may or may not find them worth reading.

Winter was stupid.  So many places got too much snow, and we barely got 1.5 inches all winter.  It was chilly a lot of the time, but mostly felt colder than it was due to the excessive amounts of rain we had instead of snow.  I was beginning to think I lived in Venice.

I really hope we have a nice, leisurely spring.  Sometimes we have what seems like two days of spring and then BAM! - summer heat.

I think having a gun is stupid.

Morally righteous and politically correct people bug me.

I have no desire to ever read any of the Twilight books, nor do I ever care to read Fifty Shades of Grey.

I'm tired of people redefining feminism to fit their needs, when they clearly have no idea what feminism is in the first place.

I'm really really really really really tired of the F word.

I'm really tired of people then using it in excess when they learn that about me. Ha ha.  Not.

I have been making a concerted effort to continue to practice my One Little Word, "kindness," since I couldn't agree with myself about a new word for this year.  However, I still need to remember to be kind a lot of the time, so though I am making progress, I still have some way to go.

I love animals.  I am suspicious of anyone who doesn't like them.  I am disgusted by people who mistreat them, and think they should receive harsher punishments than they usually do.

I have never, ever lived someplace (until I moved here) where so many vehicles regularly seem to run into houses and other buildings.

I am thrilled that baseball season has started.  I would like the Phillies and the Pirates to do well, as well as the Orioles, since my little great-nephew is a big fan.

I just got new glasses, and even though I have had trifocals forever, they are harder than usual to get used to wearing.  I am pleased with how they look, though.

I have some knitting FOs to share, as soon as I get some pictures taken - all completed in February and March!  After January was a lost cause from being sick.

"Game of Thrones" started last night, and we recorded it.  I am surprised at myself that I like it, since it is completely made up of things that usually annoy me.  Next Sunday the new season of "Mad Men" begins, and I'm looking forward to that as well.  Even though most of the characters are not that likable, I really enjoy the show.  The Tim and I have figured out that Sally Draper (my favorite character) is approximately if not exactly the age we were during the corresponding times.  Of course, neither of us had similar lives to hers, just the same events going on around us.

Having said all of that, my favorite show ever is still "Mr. Ed."  :-)

So Let's See ...

Hello Sports Fans!  I'm still here, just not organized enough over the last few days to post.  And the worst part is, it's not like I've been busy with other things, and not able to fit in posting.  I've just been truly disorganized.

Anyway, remember this post?  Well, even though it is not technically the end of summer, it's nearly September 1/Labor Day weekend, so I think we should review and assess.

1.  Lose 6 pounds.  Almost a complete success - I've lost 4 pounds.  I'll take it.

2.  Finish my Narrangansett sweater.  Nope.  Didn't even pick it up.

3.  Take better care of my nails.  This started out not so well.  A friend talked me into a gel manicure.  It looked nice, lasted a long time, and then when it came off my nails were in pretty bad shape for about a month!  They are much healthier now, and I've done a pretty good job taking care of them.

4.  Try to be more creative with my CSA items.  Yes and no.  Yes - I've done well when making an effort.  No - laziness has won out most of the time.  However, it lasts through October, so there is still hope!

5.  Get rid of stuff.  OK, but not great.  However, this weekend is a three-day weekend here in the U.S. because of Labor Day, and The Tim has to work.  I have big plans, let me tell you!

6.  Try to be nicer.  Doing OK, much better than usual in a summer when it is too hot and humid all of the time.  Most of my success is a result of just keeping my mouth shut in the first place ...

7.  Clean up/fix up the garden.  Not really.  Took some early steps, and it was a) overwhelming, we had neglected it for so long, and b) then it got too miserable for me to be outside.  I do plan to start doing more this fall, and maybe seeing if I can afford someone to come and give me a consultation/suggestions early next spring.

8.  Visit the Barnes Foundation.  Nope.

9.  More trips to the shore.   Two words for you here:  Foot brace.  Nope.

10.  Try to have realistic expectations about all of the above.  This was a success. I didn't get down on myself about any of it, and usually I really get frustrated when I try to get things crossed off a list and don't have perfect results.

So I am pretty OK with what did/did not happen this summer.  To be perfectly honest, I'm happy I got as far as I did with things!

What about you?  Did you have the kind of summer you'd hoped?

In Which I Take Stock

Do you remember this post?  The other day it occurred to me that it was nearly the end of July, and I hadn't really stepped back and taken stock of how/if I was remembering to be kind - well, to remember to try to be kinder, really.  So I decided that there was no time like the present to do so.

So, as former NYC mayor Ed Koch used to say, "How'm I doin'?"

Well, I have to first admit that I have not - for the most part - been consciously remembering to try to be kinder.  In that, I don't get up every morning and ask myself how I will be kinder on any given day.  Actually, I get up every weekday morning and take Dug for a walk, which does give me a chance to think of what might be ahead.  And I have taken the advice from nearly every magazine article I've read about sleep, and I now get up when the alarm goes off, and do not ever hit the snooze button.  Actually, I set the alarm for 15 minutes earlier, so that I can wake up, hear a weather report on the radio, and take my time getting up.  So maybe I'm being kinder to myself, you know?

Overall, I would say I'm doing OK.  I am learning to keep my mouth shut more instead of saying something unkind.  I am resisting the urge to tell other people to shut up, and instead finding ways to either remove myself from the situation or think happy thoughts (i.e., the kitties and Dug).  I am trying more seriously to see God in other people (this one is the absolute hardest thing of all, if you ask me).

I have decided that I have definitely been making progress, even if in increments of baby steps.  I will never change how I am hard-wired, but learning to control myself and deal with my immediate feelings about someone/something is definitely doable.

Oh - and I decided that it was time to treat myself to another "prize" and bought myself this necklace. I think it is doubly appropriate because of the reminder about my word, but also because of the bee - since I work with a lot of entomologists!

Finally, I have been truly tested lately with the Penn State situation and the shootings in Aurora, Colorado.  I cannot bear it when people decide that they have taken the moral imperative, and will not even consider other opinions.  It annoys me when others pass judgement even though they are not immediately involved.  Case in point:  all of the people in an uproar because young children were at the "Batman" movie, and stating that those parents are terrible parents.  I think that absolutely NO ONE has the right to criticize anyone else's parenting.  If someone asks your opinion, or if you are counseling someone, than go ahead and say what you think.  But otherwise, just decide that you won't do whatever it is with your children, and move on with your life.  I posted on Facebook that I thought it must be getting pretty crowded on the high ground these days.  And that is something I just cannot stand.

Regardless of the situation, I think everyone would do well to remember that but for the grace of God, it could be any or all of us facing these horrible situations.

So yeah - no kindness there, I'm afraid.  I'm pretty sure that perfection is not slated for me in this lifetime ... and I'm just fine with that.

Goals, Resolutions, and a Fresh Start

It's a snowy Saturday here in Philadelphia, which would be nice except that it is topped off with freezing rain.  Which of course ruins the effect of the snowy Saturday.  Not that I had plans to be outside, other than to take Dug for a walk, which already happened this morning, and which he really enjoyed.  (Though he was anxious to be dried off when we got home!)

Anyway, as I am still recovering from this stupid pneumonia, I'm just as glad to have a reason to stay inside.  You may remember that I said before that I had been giving some thoughts to what I wanted the coming year to be for myself.  I'm not really too great at New Year's Resolutions, in that - at least in the past - I've been completely unrealistic, and also felt that I *had* to succeed, and the combination was conducive to failure, as you may have guessed.  I've gotten a little bit better about that, and realized that resolutions can also be goals.  (Maybe they should be anyway?)

When my niece Amanda and her husband were here over the holidays for a visit, we were discussing New Year's Resolutions.  I said that rather than saying I MUST do _____, I wanted to try in the coming year to "do everything better."  Meaning that I wanted to try and be more mindful, try harder, and improve myself more, but not so drastically that it would be unpleasant, impossible, or just plain ridiculous.  Things can be "better" without having to be the BEST all at once.

With this in mind, I read a lot of articles, blog posts, and other things about setting realistic goals, and I came across something I decided to try.  One of the blogs I read had this post, where she talked about something she tried last year called One Little Word.  She chose the word "Joy" and the post talked about how she kept herself on track over twelve months.  I remembered reading her post about choosing "Joy" last year, and was glad that she followed up - and then decided to try again this year, choosing the word "Create."  The site for One Little Word is here, and apparently you can sign up for a one-year workshop type of thing.  Which is fine, but I decided to try and do this on my own.

So how does this work?  Well, according to Pam:

The premise of it is that you choose a word.  One word.  Then you focus on that word for a year.  No resolutions.  No this-and-that.  One word.

I've chosen "kindness" for my word.  I want to see if I can be a kinder person.  It's easy for me to be kind to animals, and to others who are nice and kind to me, but I want to see if I can make kindness something I just DO.   Because it's suggested that you have prompts for yourself, I bought myself this necklace to wear, and this poster to put over my desk.  (I often have the hardest time with kindness at work.)  I don't expect to become Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm (nor do I want to do that!), but perhaps I can become a person who, though cynical, can still have kindness be an important part of my life.  Did I NEED the necklace or the poster?  Well, I'm sure I could survive without them, but I wanted to give myself some serious prompts, and spending money made me think about how much I'm going to try and commit to this whole idea.

So here I go, and we'll see how I do.

What about you?  Any plans, goals, or resolutions that you are trying this year?